Resolutions...

New Years Eve and my family have a tradition of celebrations. When I was a kid, my paternal grandparents always had a big party - to celebrate the New Year, but also to celebrate their anniversary. I can still remember those parties. More recently, it's all about my nephew Logan, who was born today 5 years ago. To everyone else it's a time to celebrate the New Year, but to me, there were always other reasons to celebrate.

It's that time of the year. We all make them. The resolutions we say we're going to stick to and not abandon. I always end up making some, I think that we all do. I often wonder how many of us stick to them and to what degree. No matter, we all make them. I'm going to do my best to stick to them this year. There are a few that are really important to me...some secondary ones and then some tertiary ones...you know, the ones that if you get to - amazing, and if not, no worries.

I have decided that I want to drop 10% bodyfat in the first 5 months of this year, by June 1, I want to have dropped 10% bodyfat. That will take me down to just under 10% over all bodyfat - that will excite me. I am a little worried that dropping that much will make me look a bit emaciated, but we shall soon see. I've been doing really well with my cardio and lifting, so this is the final piece of that fitness puzzle and then I can learn how to maintain.

I have decided that I am going to blog a bit more regularly. I tried this year and was a bit successful, but I want to get better and more frequently update here on the goings on in my life and maybe just my random musings or the thoughts running through my head...look out for the wild ride folks...it's a jumble up there sometimes.

I want to read at least a book a month. That's not wholly unreasonable, as I read all the time. Sometimes it comes in fits and spurts though. I want to get a bit more regular and go through more books this year. I want to read at least a book a month and increase my brain.

I want to date more. I would like to go on at least one date a month. Now, before you decide that I'm a slut...it doesn't have to be with a different person every month. If I happen to find the right man that I'd like to date more regularly that still counts, but until that happens, I do need to date, so I've decided that I need to go out on at least one date a month. With my travel schedule this year, and what's shaping up for next year, I don't think that's going to be too difficult, and hey, I never said that the date needs to be in NYC or even on this continent...I know boys all over now! =)

Okay...there are so many more...but I've decided that those are the big ones I'm going to focus on. Those are the ones I'm pouring myself into, so to speak. Those are the ones that are getting my attention and focus.

To all of my friends (new and old) that have made 2011 so amazing, thank you! To those with whom my friendship has faltered a bit, I'm sorry for my part in that and I will do my best to do better in the new year - if you will. To my family, thank you so much for all that you do to inspire me on a regular basis...all of my family are important to me, but my sister and I are close and I can't imagine having made it through this year without her, so Bean, from the bottom of my heart - thank you. To my nephews, Connor, Logan (Happy Birthday Logan!) and Miles - thank you for reminding me to always try and have fun, to always ask questions and to learn things you don't know, to know that it's okay to not know and to be curious enough to get the answers.

I wish you a New Year filled with Health, Happiness, Peace and Love...

The Road to Hell...

is paved with good intentions. Seems like such an odd post for Christmas evening, but, there it is. I've had a wonderful day with the family...celebrated my nephews first Christmas, watched the gluttony of presents and food unfold...and watched my other nephews tear through their presents like they were tissue paper. They were all wrapped nicely. The stage was set, I had procured an EZ Bake Oven for my oldest nephew...it was what he REALLY, REALLY wanted. I thought I was being the cool uncle. I strive to be the cool uncle and get them gifts that they want. Not sweaters or clothes (yet)...no bars of soap or toiletries. Not obscure games they won't ever open. I want them to have gifts they want. So when my nephew decided he wanted the oven, Uncle Greg was there to oblige. I was so excited for him to open it. I wanted to see the look on his face...I wanted to see the happy. I psyched myself up for failure. It was like he was opening a pair of socks...he was so UN-enthusiastic about it. Ah well. I tried. After everyone else went to bed, I was up watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, and, in watching...I realized that Christmas is what you make it...and mine was fantastic. Even with the best of intentions, you could inadvertently end up in hell...if you allow that to happen. Happy Christmas everyone!

It's the most wonderful time...

of the year...or so they tell me. I always find it hard to get in the spirit this time of year. It's not for lack of trying, there's a HUGE tree all lit up right outside the office. I think that has something to do with it though. Doing the smallest of tasks becomes a nightmare when you have to walk through that cavalcade of people. I thought that this year, having spent so much time away from it all in other places in the world, I would be excited to see the tree and all the people, and that, perhaps, my little heart would grow three sizes and I wouldn't be so Grinch-like. Nope. It was pretty and nice the first day...and then I had to wade through the throngs of people to get lunch and it took 30 minutes to go two blocks...and the Grinch was back.Oh well. I was thrilled to have seen all the fairy lights in London and to have seen Singapore all lit up for the holidays. That brightened my spirit...and I can't wait for the nephews to open their presents and to see the look on their faces...until then...it's Christmastime in the city...

Happy Christmas...

"They said they'll be snow at Christmas...they said they'll be peace on earth..."

I'm actually quite excited that I'm doing my Christmas letter again this year electronically. It gives me the opportunity to be able to write more, not have to filter based on space and also attach pictures I might not be able to attach otherwise. It also allows the procrastinator in me to wait much later to write this because I don't have to put it in the mail....it's also amazing that this letter will be going live before I even have my cards in the mail thanks to my travels (see below). Oh well. "The Christmas you get you deserve!" =)

This is the current view that I have as I sit and type this from the Virgin Atlantic Clubhouse in Heathrow...it's such a pretty tree.

Happy Christmas from Virgin Atlantic

It has been a pretty amazing year, and I'm able to add photos of Christmas in two different cities to this year's letter. I've been on the road since the day after Thanksgiving and have been to London, on to Singapore and back to London before returning home. I was really excited to be able to be in London to see all the fairy lights all lit up. I've been in London in November before when the lights were being strung up, but have never been over to see them all lit up, so I was quite excited. (excited more than just being in London again.)

The year started off with a trip to Houston and San Antonio to check in on the Billy Elliot and Wicked tours. I got to see Gus in Houston after doing some sleuthing and tracking him down and it was so good to be able to check in and see him again. I saw Anthony in San Antonio...and haven't seen him since he was living in LA...so I was excited to be able to spend an afternoon with him.

Onto Charlotte, NC after that for a conference and spending some time with Eric before he left me for another job with the company...while I was sorry to not be working with him directly anymore, I was excited at the opportunity that arose, as I was promoted to Director and am now responsible for the Live Theatre EHS Department...which is amazing. That has totally contributed to all of the travel in my life though.

After Charlotte, I took my first trip to London for the year to check in on Billy and Wicked in April. I'm happy to report there were no Ash Clouds this year to wreak havoc with my travel. There was this pesty little wedding thing going on...but really, was out of the country before any of the real chaos from that started. There was record heat for London in April though, and I ended up having to buy some shorts whilst there...ironic, since when I was back in July it was cool and I was wearing light weigh sweaters...oh well. In between the London trips I spent about two weeks in San Francisco with the Billy tour. Caught up with Eric as he was in San Jose and came into SF for the weekend and we spent a great weekend in the sun and full of SF Pride. Was totally brills! Good to catch up...good fun...and not a lot I can put in a family friendly letter!

The Singapore Botanic Gardens all lit up for Christmas

July travel was a little bit fingers crossed. My sister was due to give birth, and, while she was crossing her fingers to give birth (and get it over with already) I was crossing my fingers that my nephew would be born after I was back stateside. Miles Michael must be a fan of his Uncle Greg, as he arrived after I was back in the states! August saw me visit DC where I was able to hang out with Rich (and his partner Donnie) for a bit, my friend Brian from college, and, by complete chance, catch up with Helen and Doug as they were in town for a wedding. And while we weren't leaning on a lampost, I was able to catch up with JeanMarie after not having seen her in years!

In October I made a third trip to London and was able to coordinate my trip with a long weekend trip my parents were taking there to celebrate their honeymoon. I had decided giving them trips and experiences was the best way to go as a present, but I'm also really glad that I was able to be there for a few days with them. I've never really traveled with my parents since vacations as a child...was nice to see them young and exploring and having a good time. I'm glad they had a great time...I did as well and met some great new folk on that trip, whom I've checked in with on this trip through. Was also in Orlando for a quick few days for a meeting and some sunshine.

The beginning of November got me to St. Louis for a speaking engagement for the Broadway League on Safety in Theatre. Eric swooped in and was a great understudy when another colleague had to swing out (as we say in the biz), so was able to spend more time catching up. At the end of November, I packed the bags for the final trip of the year and stopped into London for a quick training session at Billy London and then was off to Singapore on the worlds largest passenger aircraft, the A380-800. That was quite an experience. What took me to Singapore you're wondering, the Wicked Asia tour kicked off from Singapore, so I flew down for the last few days of tech and opening and to meet the cast and crew. Flew back to London from Singapore on the tenth of December, watched Christmas movies and wrote out all my Christmas cards. Bought them in London on the first few days as I decided it would be wise to have them done and ready to just be stamped when I got back stateside on the 14th. Now I'm sitting in the Virgin Atlantic Clubhouse at Heathrow, waiting for my flight to take me home...enjoying my newly minted Gold status, drooling over some of the boys and loving the purple Christmas decorations all over (see above).

I've had an amazing year...and as much as the travel has taken it's toll, I am by no means complaining. It's been an absolute blast and I love my job. The boys will have gained some amazing souvenirs this year that should make them pretty popular at school...and I get home in just enough time to be able to relax a bit and then head home to see all of them and spend the holidays with them! While it was a bit odd to be in 94ish degree heat and hearing Christmas music and see all of the decorations, Singapore was brilliantly lit up...the Christmas spirit really took hold back in London though...where the sights, the sounds and the chill in the air really made it feel like Christmas time!

a little Christmas...a little disco at the Apple Market at Covent Garden

I wish you all the best for the holiday season, hope that you have a prosperous and fantastic new year with family and friends and that you've had as much fun in 2011 as I have.  Here's to even more in 2012! I hope that you'll continue to follow my exploits around the globe on the blog...I've been getting much better about updating. You can also find me on facebook (if we aren't friends already) or on twitter, although be warned...some of my tweets are just ramblings. Whether old friends, or new friends, whether you're here for the first time, on a repeat visit, return often, or won't be returning until next year's Christmas update...

"I wish you a hopeful Christmas, I wish you a brave new year!"

Survival of the Fittest

I preface this with, we all have done or will do stupid things in our lifetimes. Some of us are lucky, some of us, not. I will say that having your wits about you goes along way to keeping you alive. I have worked for almost 18 hours straight and been up for well over 36 in a row. It happens. I have been intoxicated (shhhh....don't tell). I have done things that might have left me a bit un-prepared to make good decisions. I think almost all of us have taken medicine that has left us a bit loopy. We all understand what that feels like.

Sometimes I'm left wondering, though, how people actually survive when they are just stupid and not impaired. I wandered around London today, did some window shopping...looked for cute stuff for the nephews...bought more music...nothing major. Two of the High Streets were shut to vehicular traffic...so made for a mad house of people...but was fun to be out and about in the midst of it. Anyway...I was headed out to dinner and standing in the tube station, waiting for the next train, which according to the sign was approaching. On one side of me there was a dad and his young son in a stroller and on the other, two very blonde women (in every sense of the word). You can see the lights of the train pulling into the station. You can hear it. The TFL man is starting to make the announcements (you know about letting passengers off first, etc). That's when these two women lean over the edge of the platform...why do you ask? They saw a mouse. I get it...there's intrigue there. As my friend Richie would say...bright...shiny. (not that a mouse is either of those things...but the rule is the same). The train is pulling into the station girls...you're going to have your heads taken off. Ughhh. Being the safety guy that I am, I say to them...the train is pulling into the station, you're going to get hit. They laugh...that valley girl/annoying/I want to slam your head into concrete laugh. Then they get annoyed. We know they say. Well then...why the hell did you stick your head over the platform where it could be crushed by the oncoming train? Ughhh...survival of the fittest. I tell you, if I wasn't wearing my expensive leather jacket and if the child next to me were asleep and not have been witness, I would have kept my mouth shut and just dealt with the mess.

Another suitcase...

and another hall. It's such a great and iconic part of Evita...but it's a song, that until this year, had little relevancy to my life. After this year, with 80 days on the road, it's a song that I really identify with. I'm off to another long haul flight back to Heathrow...13 hours in a little tin tube. This time I'm prepared...I've got my Christmas cards to write. I bought them in London and thought I would be good and do them on the flight to Singapore, but that didn't happen, so I'll do them on the flight back to London...hopefully get them all but stamped and then will be good to just drop them in the mail when I get back stateside, and get to folks just in time for the holidays...sorry if they're a little late folks...my bad!

okay...wrapping things up in the lounge and getting ready to board in a few...chat with you all on the flip side!

Postcards and Shopping

Singapore is a city that has found a way to build down! Everything is underground. There are shopping malls that go four stories or so above ground and then another 4 stories below...and then connect to the ones across the street. You could go for blocks and blocks and blocks underground, getting lost in the maze and not seeing the light of day. You'll enter in one location, and before you know it, be blocks away on the other side of town. Okay, I'm kidding, but only a little. They do build underground...and they are all inter-connected, so it is possible to get lost down there...but you might not end up on the other side of town. This city is all about the shopping, and my hotel is in the prime upscale shopping district, The Orchard. There's Hermes, LV, Burberry, Porsche designs...you name it...it's below ground on this street! I don't think I've walked up a flight of stairs to get into a store yet. With all this shopping, I thought finding souvenirs and postcards would be super easy. The first day I was here, I was dragging and jet-lagged, I didn't really go into the theatre. I decided I would explore a little and then just come back to the hotel and sleep when I was tired. I thought, why not go and find souvenirs for the nephews and postcards. Send them early and not have to worry about finding things to retain favoured Uncle status at the last minute. In the maze of shopping, I did not find anything one could consider a souvenir for youngsters...at least not one they'd find cool. I didn't find postcards. None, NADA, Zilch. Thankfully we had Monday off and I got to do some more exploring and found some souvenirs and postcards to send home...they'll probably get the postcards around Christmas when I get home...oh well.

I have to walk through the "mall" every day to get to and from the subway station to get to work...I never thought I would say this...but I think I'm shopped out.

Disconnected

I've never felt this disconnected before in my life. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it. Being on this side of the world is sucking for me right now. Singapore is absolutely gorgeous and the weather is amazing. It's been no colder than 77 any day since I've been here. Walking back across the bay to the MRT last night at 1030PM local time, it was still in the high 70s. Granted, it has rained every day since I've been here...not all day, but rained none the less. The sights and sounds are amazing. I am having some issues finding food (with a seafood allergy in a very seafood climate it's tough), but otherwise I am enjoying things. I really am having a hard time feeling this disconnected...everyone is half a world away and at least half a day behind me. I'm going to bed as most are getting up. I've started the next day when they're going to bed. I've been fortunate to talk to my sister for a few minutes and my Mom tonight...but it's tough. I didn't realize how tough it would be. Twitter, Facebook, emails...all the same...send and wait. It is what it is. I'm here until the end of this week and then back to London for a few days and then back home in time for the holidays! Trying not to think of that travel right now...I just can't.

Anyway...that's my story from the road for today...

Long Haul Flights...

Until the other day, the longest flight I had undertaken had been across the US from NYC to LAX/SFO or from JFK to LHR...depending on winds and weather they're all about the same...sort of. I boarded my Singapore Airlines flight at LHR on Wednesday not really knowing what I was in store for. My flight time was scheduled to be almost 14 hours. When the captain spoke to us, we were going to clock in with a flight time, thanks to prevailing winds, of just under 13 hours...added to traveling ahead 8 time zones. We left the UK at 10:55am on Wednesday 30 Nov and arrived in Singapore on 1 Dec at 7:15 am, slightly ahead of our scheduled 7:55 am arrival. Thank god for business class. I'm not sure how I would have done that otherwise.

I can now say that I have flown the world's largest passenger aircraft, the Airbus A380. It's truly amazing. Double decked (fully) it boards with two gangways...no, seriously. We de-planed with 2 gangways as well. The take off was one of the quietest I have had (I was on the upper deck, so that might have had something to do with it) and was very smooth. It did appear to take longer than normal to actually leave the runway though, and at one point I was worried we were running out of room and then we were airborne. It was also remarkably quiet during the flight...something that is hugely beneficial on these long haul flights I would imagine, as sleep is a requirement. Landing, now that's another story. You try taking that beast of a plane and putting it onto a small little runway and see what happens. It's not the smoothest of landings, at all. After touchdown, it's much smoother than others, but touchdown comes hard. Much less shaking experience though as the plane slowed itself down and taxied...which was nice. All and all...an amazing experience on the flight...service in flight with Singapore Air was brilliant...once on the ground however, not so much. But that's another story...

Second Dates...

one of my goals in 2012 is to date more, in the hopes of not having to date more going forward...if that makes sense. So, one of the first goals is to get to a second date. Easier said than done. I do end up traveling a bit for work, and sometimes that has a tendency to get in the way of getting to date 2...but I'll be working on that as a goal for 2012...getting past the first date and getting to date 2. You can't make any quick decisions when it comes to dating and my philosophy is you need 2 or 3 dates usually until you can make some decisions about whether you want to continue to seeing each other...or if there's potential for something more...

you gotta have hope...hope for a better tomorrow...hope for a second date!  =)

Life at 30,000 feet...

okay...maybe not life, it's not like I've become George Clooney's character in Up in the Air or anything, at least not yet. I have managed to log a ton of flight time this year, and pad my mileage account and my hilton honors points. The folks at Virgin Atlantic know me, the breakfast host at my hotel in London recognizes me and welcomes me back now when he sees me and when I checked in the other day, the clerk at the front desk remembered I had been here recently without the computer prompting him to say welcome back (I wasn't at the front of the que checking in when he welcomed me back). I have apparently done a ton of travel this last year. I've crossed the country and back....I've crossed the Atlantic and back...and back...and back. I have been to big global cities and smaller ones. I've had great flights on amazing airlines, decent flights on not so great ones...and crappy flights on once great airlines. I've eaten good food in bad airports and bad food in good ones.  I can get a week's worth of travel into a carry on bag...no, seriously. There are a few things I need to get off my chest, and since I'm on day 3 of a 19 day trip, I figured the time was now.

I am the experienced traveler at the airport...and I can spot a novice from a mile away. There is a line for you...really, I'm not kidding. And it's not the same line as me. And I don't care how frequently (or how hot you are) you fly Daddy...when you're traveling with the wife and kids, you DO NOT get to use the experienced traveler line. You might be, but the rest of your family is not. As I'm self-checking in, or as I'm walking to security, the belt is being pulled off and stowed in the carry on. The coat is already there. The wallet and blackberry have been stowed. I have no jewelry to take off by the time I get to the line. I have my laptop out in one easy movement and am zipping the carry on again as I take my shoes off. I know that the shoes go right on the belt and don't have to have a bin. But, more importantly, once I'm through the scanner or XRay machine (ok...tangent here...really, if you get sent to the scanner line...be thrilled somebody is looking at your junk, do what you need to do without shouting about the infringement of your privacy and move on. There are other methods of travel and if the TSA is that much of an inconvenience for you...we frequent travelers would much rather you take the bus anyway...okay, rant done.) I have thrown my slip on shoes on the floor and am slipping into them as I'm picking up my laptop and my carry on and getting out of the way. You do not, repeat, do not put your shoes on, put the belt on and get yourself ready again whilst standing at the security xray machine, backing everyone else up and just annoying them. I'm just saying.

I've been delayed departing...circled before landing...and even been on flights that have arrived early. It's been a pretty amazing year. All told, by the end of the year, I will have spent about 80 days on the road for work...I'll have logged 24 flight segments - which averages to 2 flights a month and just over 6 days a month away from my own bed. I LOVE my job. I love that I get to travel. I love that I've seen London, San Francisco, London, San Antonio, London, DC, London and Singapore, and many more by the end of the year. I love that by accumulating points and miles I sent my parents away for their honeymoon. I love that as I continue to travel, that's a tradition I hope that I can keep up over the years and keep giving them memorable trips.

I love that I get to send my nephews post cards from all over the world. I love that they have a scrap book of cards that I've been sending since I started traveling. I love the my youngest nephew has postcards from trips while he was still in utero. I love that they have tshirts and souvenirs from places that people in my hometown don't know where to find on the map. I love that my friends are jealous of my travels...whether they admit it or not...I hate how that sounds.

I hate that hotels have the same horrible art all over the world. I hate that no matter how hard I try...a hotel bed just isn't as comfortable as the one at home. I hate that no matter what I pack, I always seem to forget something I would have liked to have worn. I hate the looks I get some places when I walk in and ask for a table for 1...my money is just as good as everyone else's...and I'm much less work than a table of 5...really. I hate that this many days on the road does nothing for my love life. I hate having to explain on a first date why I won't be around for a second for another week or 10 days as I'll be on the road...that second date never happens. I hate that my nephews don't have a Flat Stanley in their class...Uncle Greg would so get them a winning classroom easily...I mean who else could have Stanley standing on the SNL stage one week, in front of Big Ben the next and then on the Golden Gate bridge a month after that?

I cannot complain about my life. When I talk about wanting to be in my own bed...it's not a complaint about my job or the amount of travel I do...it's just that after logging all this time away, I want to be in my own bed when I am home. Yes, I chose this job and I LOVE it. No, I was not accustomed to doing this much time on the road before this year, but I'll get used to it. I have friends in cities all over now (and yes, a few of them are flight attendants and neither of us can be called Virgins any longer...but that's another post) and I love that I get to catch up with some of them on my journeys. This has been an amazing year at 30,000 feet...and even when my feet are on the ground!

George...

There is really no way to talk about this, without someone I know (maybe a few people) reading it and feeling sad...and that is not my intent at all. I am okay with it. It is what it is, and I know it won't always be this way.

I find sleeping in a Queen sized bed lonely when I sleep alone. I feel like a kid when I sleep in a twin bed, and let's face it, now that I've gone up to a Queen from a Double/Full...there's just no going back! (that, and a Queen deserves a Queen). I would prefer to have someone occupy the bed with me...but that's not happening, so, in the interim I wrap my arms around a body pillow every night and his name is George. I don't recall how he was bestowed with the name George, but if I'm sleeping with him every night he might as well have a name...makes it seem like less of a one night stand, no? He makes climbing into bed a little less lonely.

I am not lonely, per se. I have an amazing family and great friends, and it's not like I sit home alone every night and wish there were people in my life. I just wish there was someone I wanted to share my bed with me on a regular basis. Like I said, I'm not lonely...I am just longing for that person I want to spend more than one night and who wants to spend more than one night in my bed with me...and then George can retire to some island somewhere where the cabana boys wear tight little speedoes and bring him fruity drinks in festive glasses. He deserves that after having put up with me for so long...so, Mr Right (and I stress, not just Mr. Right Now) if you're out there reading this, please let me know...George needs to start planning for retirement!

Bullies

Today, being spirit day where we show our support for youth (LGBT youth in particular) that are bullied. I figured it was appropriate to talk about all the different types of bullies out there. It's more than just the kids shouting taunts at each other anymore - make no mistake about it, those kinds of bullies are still there, but there are so many more these days.

There's the activist that believes so much in their cause that they are blinded by their ideals and cannot see the other side of the argument and quickly resort to nasty tactics to prove their point, often ignoring the fallacy of their own statements or their own contradictory nature. Take for example the National Organization for Marriage. They claim that gay marriage shouldn't be allowed because it violates the traditional definition of marriage, which in their eyes, involves procreation and the raising of children. In reality...they shout this at the top of their lungs, so loudly that they don't hear the questions. Why aren't you fighting divorce? With divorce rates in this country sky-rocketing, clearly this is bad for marriage. Why aren't you fighting marriages that take place that don't result in children? You yourselves said that marriage is all about procreation - so if a marriage does not produce children, it should be dissolved, it is clearly not a traditional marriage. They don't fight these things because they are bullies. They really don't care about marriage - they are just against the gays, and will do anything in their power to "put us in our place".

There's the friends that take advantage and only take, take, take and give nothing back...everything becomes your fault. You are the one that lost touch, you are the one that never calls, you are the one that constantly has to keep up the communication and thus the friendship. They are constantly blathering on about how great your friendship is, but don't ever take steps to see you or contact you unless they need something. That's not a friend...it's a contact and you network with contacts. They have time for everyone in their life but you. Dinner? A show? Getting together? They are far too busy to make time for that...but they have time to take another trip with another friend. They have time to go to this benefit or that and blast it all over twitter or facebook, but don't have the time for you. That's not a friend...it's a bully...a time bully, and my time is just as important as yours, so if you're a time bully, I have no time for you until the scales come even.

Just two examples of the non-traditional bullies that are out there...there are many more. The time has come for us all to say goodbye to bullying, to take ownership of any bullying we do and let it go...become better people, better friends...better humans...we're all in this together!

Bucket List...

I'm not talking about that horrid movie with Jack Nicholson in it, but the concept is still the same. Do you have a list of things you'd like to do before you die? How long have you been keeping it and what makes the cut? Are there only little things on the list, or big ones too? How many things have you been able to tick off? I'm intrigued by this concept as I've recently started to keep a sort of bucket list. I've decided that there are some things that can be added, even though I have already done them. Major events, things it was nice to have done, but I know I might not get to do again. I've been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, when I was in High School. I would love to do it again, but if I don't get to, I know that I've done it. There are things on there that have yet to be ticked off. I'll get to them, sooner or later, hopefully. You know what's not on there? Wasting time on stupid mis-understandings. Putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect...and expecting that from myself. Working 14 hours a day isn't on there either (although at times, that does become a thing you must do). The things that are one there will take me some time to accomplish and I hope that I get to the end of my life and say that I was able to tick all of them off...that would be a life lived without regret.

Changes...

they're inevitable. Things change all the time. We can go with the flow and learn and grow from the changes or we can become paralyzed with fear and hope that change never happens. Just because things are changing doesn't mean that it's bad...but it doesn't mean it's good either. Sometimes it's about your perspective. Some folk see growing older (as your body does and changes all the time in doing so) as a bad thing...others embrace it. Change happens...and starts at a young age. Your diapers get changed...you change grades in school...you change from being a passenger to driving the car...you change friends...you change hairstyles...you change boyfriends or girlfriends..sometimes as often as you change classes in high school.

When you're younger, you don't fear change as much...it's happening to everyone you know, all around you. As you get older you suddenly realize that there are patterns to your life and that even the slightest changes to those patterns have unique consequences. Any little change can upset the balance. We have to learn to not let change paralyze us with fear. As adults we have to be more adaptive to change and what it can bring. We have to see through our own fear and realize that every day we all change in ways that aren't even seen...so just because we see this change coming doesn't mean its bad.

Change isn't easy...nothing in life is. Change can be hard. Change can get up in your face and yell and scream...change can just walk away without explanation...change can be slower and slowly drift out of your life...like watching the tide go out and not knowing where it's gone. Change can come and go in all of these ways and more...change can drive you to keep going and make you stronger or change can paralyze you with fear...I chose to let change make me stronger...no matter what the struggle. I also chose to believe that change heavy to carry around...which is why nobody does for long!

Oversharing...

In this day and age, when everyone has a blog, and facebook and a twitter account (or two or three) and mobile devices that are all more powerful and more portable than my first laptop computer I worry sometimes about the oversharing of information. Do we really need to know it all? I mean, do I need to know where you are for lunch and who you're with just by the virtue of your check in? Do I really care?

Do I really need to know? Probably not, but it's nice to have the information. Do I really care? Not about everyone's check in activity, but about a core group of people's...sure I do. Let's face it, technology has made it very easy for us all to stay in touch and up to date with everyone, everywhere...

One word of caution though...I you start checking in from the bathroom...I'm probably going to unfollow you! =)

flaw in the logic...

the time for games is over. Let's face it, as adults, the time for games was over when we left high school...maybe some of us got away with them in college, but not many. Your life is not a game...there shouldn't have to be a feeling of having to collect the most game pieces, or answer all the questions correctly in order to win. You don't need to have the newest, shiniest, prettiest new things in order to compete...or feel worthy enough to compete. If you've been told differently...then it was a player that told you so!
There is no Go where you automatically collect $200 for every trip around the board...most of us don't get to buy a hotel on Park Place (although some of us grew up there) and there are no get out of jail free cards. 
Think about it...it's the flaw in their logic...the only ones that advocate keeping up are the ones trying the hardest to keep up. The ones that have it figured out don't care where you work...what you do...how much money you take home or what car you drive...they've figured out that it's all about WHO you are.
The sum of all your stuff doesn't make up who you are...they're just things. I would rather have a few good friends than a bunch I can't count on...I would rather have some knowledge than know everything...I don't need a bag for every outfit, I need one that functions with my life as it is...I don't need a car, I live in NYC - why? I would rather have a good meal at a great restaurant than an okay meal at someplace really fancy and expensive. I don't need to be seen in order to feel my night is complete...and you don't need to be rich or powerful to be my friend...I need you to be there for me and want to be my friend...and by the way...the same rules apply to any potential boyfriend applicants...hey...a single boy can dream.
We are all adults...the time for games is over..it's taken me a while to figure out some of that...but it's the truth. Do with it what you will...it's Life...not the game of Life!

Puzzles...

I really enjoyed putting puzzles together as a kid...I think it taught me to not look at things so one dimensionally and to conceptualize how things need to look and what to do to get there. I know that as we get older we sometimes don't put puzzles together in the same way...and sometimes we do. The puzzles we face as adults are far more complicated than the puzzles we faced as children.
As a kid, when you were putting the puzzle together you could always look at the picture on the front of the box for guidance...and unless you lost a piece, the picture always looked like the box. The puzzles we solve as adults don't come with pictures much anymore. They are crafted as we go along, sometimes forcing a piece where it shouldn't belong, and other times holding onto pieces when we don't need to, because we don't know where they fit, or if they do at all. I think what disappoints me most is when you finally think you have the puzzle all fit together, and the picture is not what you expected at all - or you don't like what you've come up with. You have to take apart the pieces and start to put the puzzle together again...and hope for a better outcome.

Social Media

Social Media is everywhere these days. Whether you facebook or tweet or follow the feeds of blogs or sites you use...you can't escape it. That got me wondering...what would life be like if you actually lived it by Social Media's rules and how will social media impact how children today grow up.

When I was younger you went outside and rode bikes or played kickball, or something with your friends...you didn't play online games and chat with them. So...what would life be like if you lived by Social Media's rules?

You would have 100's of friends to keep up with on a regular basis...you could approve or deny new friends by the click of your mouse. You could block people and not have to deal with them again...instead of getting to the heart of the problem, having a conversation and perhaps salvaging a friend. Your thoughts and ideas and random musings are public for everyone to experience. Your living room would suddenly be full to capacity and over-flowing as you watch your favourite TV show or awards ceremony with thousands of other people...all talking about what's happening. You would know and talk to celebrity's all the time. Pass them in the hallways even and shout "I loved last night's episode" and they would actually stop and respond to you and say thanks for the support. There would be no boundaries. Following a "star" while walking down the street and seeing into the intimate details of their life isn't considered stalking anymore...it's the norm.

Every time you had a new thought or musing, you would automatically find new friends with whom you immediately identify and create lasting bonds with. You share more about your life than you might in person and never ask, wait, did I just say that out loud? Friends from all over the world and still feel like they are sitting right next to you. If you see something interesting you merely snap a picture and everyone else you know automatically sees it too, and then shares it with everyone they know, in a matter of seconds and all of a sudden, you have more friends at your disposal. Bullies from High School would like things you have to say...as there are no longer any boundaries separating you anymore. All of that is in the past.

When you travel to new cities you automatically have a social network and friends to go have drinks and dinner with...no more awkwardly standing at a bar waiting to be talked to...conversely...everyone you meet becomes your new friend, thus increasing the size of your Arc...

wait...why is Social Media bad again? Oh...right...because in all of the good that can happen with Social Media...and all of the positives it has...if you don't know how to disconnect from it and have a real and legitimate conversation with your real peeps it means absolutely nothing. I don't care how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people follow you on Twitter...if you can't actually find the time to have dinner with me after tweeting that you have plans with X, Y, Z and each of their cousins over the next few days then social media does me no good.

I love that I can keep folks updated on everything I do...I love the some friends get to travel through me every time I take a trip for work. I love that I can watch my nephews grow up in real time when pictures are posted...and see that one turned 2 months old and looks more adorable every day and another wore crazy socks to school...I love all of the bonuses that social media can bring your life...but I also know that I can step away from it and have conversations over dinner with real friends...or coffee...or go to the movies and not have to live tweet throughout the entire event.

For all the ways that social media brings us together...I wonder how much further it pushes us apart...just something to think about.

bullying...

it seems like there's been a lot of talk about bullying and the effect it can have on people. There are whole campaigns that are dedicated to eradicating it from schools...the work place...public. Bullying serves no real or legit purpose. There is no real upside to bullying...whether done on the schoolyard or in the world of international politics. In the end, the bullies are exposed for what they truly are...

I've seen and felt the effects of bullying first hand...but the thing is, despite having been bullied throughout my childhood...I survived. That doesn't mean I want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. I don't anyone to feel that their teachers let it happen...or that their classmates teasing is warranted. I know that there is a contingent out there for whom this just represents growing pains. It doesn't and it isn't! When you are being picked on or bullied about something that you have no control over, it is not about growing pains. When you are being singled out based on perceived sexual orientation and teachers and administrators stay silent and tacitly let the taunting to continue, it sends a message. When the teachers actually contribute to the taunting, it sends a very powerful message! Growing pains it is not!

I'm not angry (anymore) and I was never one that considered ending it all because of the bullying (thankfully), but so many do. In a world with as many differences as there are, why does bullying need to continue? Why does it continue? Simple, because children learn from their parents and the adults around them. When they see an adult arguing hatefully against same sex marriage, they learn to bully. When they see teachers that emphasize that the terrorists were Muslim and participate in the wink, wink, nudge, nudge that all terrorists are Muslim, they learn to bully. When children hear their parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc speak ill about a certain group of people, for no other reason than perceived difference - they learn to bully. And they learn that bullying will make them feel better because they are putting others down/in their place.

When you learn to rise above your place, and fight back...you quickly learn what the bullies are made of...empty rhetoric and more often than not, old and antiquated stereotypes that have been proven time and time again to be false. I'm reminded often of the scene at the end of Revenge of the Nerds...when Louis asks anyone who's ever been called a nerd, and picked on, put down, etc. to join him on the field. Pretty soon we see almost everyone out on the field and the bullies standing with their heads hung, perhaps in shame.

Think about it...for all of us that have been bullied...if we all stood together to put an end to it...what a force we could all be. Who out there hasn't been bullied at one point in time or another?

better...

When I was younger, my family owned a few sporting goods stores, it started as my Grandfathers (paternal) and then my Dad and Uncle after Pop-Pop passed. When I was a kid, I used to spend time at the store, in Pop-Pop's office (or my Dads...the memory is fuzzy) coloring. There are things I remember about my Pop-Pop, who died when I was 8, that I take with me as lessons still today.

Always carry a pen - you never know when you're going to need it. It's true - you don't know when you might and to this day, there is always a pen in my bag at all times. My notebook at work has a pen loop - and one always rests there so I can grab and go.

If you look busy, people will assume that you are - aka carry a clipboard and walk with a purpose. Well...I have given up carrying the clipboard (does anyone outside of a school use those anymore?) but I do walk with a purpose, which definitely tends to give the appearance of being busy and confident.

The last lesson is one that my Dad and Uncle also stressed as I got older and really started working at the store...we have to be better than everyone else. Not in the snobby, noses up kind of way. But in the sense that everyone assumed that I had a job there because of the family connection, so I had to be better at my job than the rest of the staff, just to prove I was supposed to be there.

That last lesson, about being better has really stuck with me. I know that it has rung true in other areas of my life too. When you are a minority (let's face it...I might be white...but there's no way I'm passing as anything close to straight...the boys in high school were right...I just didn't have it figured out) you have to be better than others just to prove your worth. You have to participate and vote - most of the time for self preservation and so your rights aren't taken away by a landslide majority. You have to be better when you get married and your marriages are held up to so much more scrutiny. You have to be better parents...where again you are held to more scrutiny than the average parents...

you have to be better...something I try and live up to every day...sometimes I succeed...and sometimes it comes off as snobby...but never my intent. I'm just trying to be better...so that someday, hopefully, there will be far less scrutiny and need to feel like you have to be...just to be the same as everyone else.

Intent...

so...let's just get this out of the way up front. when I decided to blog, I wasn't sure where it was going to go, and I still don't know where it might. All I know, right now, is that this is a place where I can come to just vocalize anything that it going on in my life...without having to ever censor myself. I don't ever call anyone I know personally out in any of my posts. I would never. My intent isn't to embarrass or call a friend out...this is my space (albeit, public) to just let loose with my thoughts and do a bit of free association within my own head. If I write about something that you feel applies to you, maybe it does, but maybe, and more than likely it won't...maybe you have a guilty conscience. I don't know...like I said...this isn't about anyone but me...these are my thoughts...my feelings and my emotions and I am not going to censor them here...

for me...sometimes just getting them out is catharsis enough. I'm not writing this to call anyone out on their shit...except for me on my own. Enough said?

RIP Mr. Nice Guy...

I'm letting him die...letting him go...and it's giving me no pause. I'm sick to death of not speaking my mind when friends say bigoted things or when that act the ass and then beg forgiveness after the fact. I'm sick of being concerned about everyone's needs but my own at times. I'm sick of not speaking up for myself when I feel like I need to. I'm sick of the feeling of getting stepped on and over. I need to figure out how to make it stop. I need to figure out how to be ME again. I need to make sure that I feel like I let my voice be heard. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy journey...but it is one I need to take, now, for me.

Disappointment

There's a great line in the movie The American President that I absolutely love. It comes as Annette Bening's character is searching frantically for a sweater that is her sister's that she thought she's left at the White House. After searching and not finding it she utters:
"Oh, fuck the sweater! She'll have to learn to live with disappointment!"

I'm feeling a bit disappointed these days. New York is on the verge of voting on a bill that would give gay couples the right to marry. Marriage Equality is a big fight. I am on the side that says, we should all have the right to be married. I don't have a partner, I don't even have a boyfriend...I don't know that I would want to get married right now if I did, but I HATE being told I don't have the right to based purely on my sexual orientation. I pay taxes just like every other citizen of New York. I don't pay any less based on the rights I don't have. I pay the same amount as any other male NY'er that makes my salary and happens to be straight. I am denied over 1100 rights, that he gets just by signing a marriage license. A license that is state issued - not issued by the church. I am not asking for ANY church or religion to sanctify gay marriage. But churches and religions are not the ones issuing marriage licenses, the state does that. I AM asking the state to recognize me and treat me as an equal.

I have always lived my life so that I am not a disappointment to my parents...I tried very hard not to be. I don't believe, deep down that I am, but I do know that I disappointed them. I know that as the first born there was an expectation for grandchildren...that they got later thanks to my brother and now sister. I know that having a gay son is not what was on their list of expectations - but it's the hand they got dealt. I know that I am loved and that they are not fundamentally disappointed in me. I know that my father would rather change the liberal democrat in me than the gay...these are things that I should be really happy about. I'm disappointed though because I can't get my father to see me as an equal citizen. I can't get my father to understand that by not having marriage rights, I am, in fact sitting at the back of the bus. I don't know what else to do to help him understand that, and I'm at a loss to proceed. I am disappointed about that. I wonder, since I can't even get my father to understand this, how do I get politicians? I am disappointed that if this were my sister and she were fighting for the right to marry her husband and the law said they couldn't because they were not the same race, my father would be out there leading the charge on her behalf...I am disappointed that he doesn't see the parallel.

I am disappointed that a state as large as NY does not already have Marriage Equality. I am disappointed that the Republican Senate is holding the vote hostage. I am disappointed that when I called and asked why a vote had not be scheduled, I was told that if I were going to be argumentative the conversation would be ended, simply for asking why a vote on marriage equality had not been scheduled this session. No more, no less. A thoughtful and appropriate question, asked in a polite and dignified manner, yet considered argumentative by the office manager of NY Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos. Disappointed that said Office Manager let his bias and prejudice dictate his response to my legitimate question rather than treat me like a human being and not a second class citizen who's opinion didn't matter.

Fuck it...I guess I'll just have to learn to live with disappointment.

The Modern Hypocrisy Problem

That is not to say that Hypocrisy is a new problem, or even a modern one. I dare say its as old as time itself. It just has new ramifications in modern society, ones that it didn't have even 10 or 15 years ago.

It used to be you made a public statement, it got reported and we moved on to a different news story. Years later, when you were running for public office, someone in your opponents camp would have to remember your former statement - know it could be used against you and then be able to commit to doing the leg work to find said statement in back copies of the newspaper - and be able to find it. That took work, and a good memory for details.

Now, you make a statement and its in the public record, in sound bytes and 30 second clips on news websites and on the blogosphere. There is no forgetting it, and there is no trouble tracking it down. A quick Google search and you can yield amazing results. I think that people tend to forget that. Because they're not used to the modern age, don't use modern technology, or just think that they can spin anything at a later date.

Let's take the Marriage Equality issue as an example. Maggie Gallagher and the National Organization for Marriage frequently say that marriage is only between a man and a woman, because, in essence, marriage is for procreation purposes only. So, Maggie, only married couples can reproduce? I am not a straight man, but I do remember my biology, and nowhere in biology class when we discussed procreation was there a caveat that you can only reproduce if you're in a marriage. In fact, if that were the case, wouldn't the abortion rate in this country be lower than it is? That would no longer be a wedge issue.

More importantly Maggie Gallagher, if you truly believe the words you speak, how come your own son was born out of wedlock? How come you have sinned and been divorced twice? More importantly, your current marriage wouldn't have been legal without Civil Rights decisions from eons past as you're currently married to a man that is not the same race as you.

Where were you to protest the wedding of Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris?. CLEARLY this was not a union that would produce children, which as you've cited time and tired time again is the only reason for marriage and why marriage can only be between a man and a woman. You didn't offer one word of condemnation at this un-holy union and how it would clearly violate the sanctity of marriage and threaten your own marriage. Things you claim that Marriage Equality will do.

The real problem with modern hypocrisy is that it comes back to bite you in the ass. You can't have it both ways Maggie, and since marriage is only for the procreation of children you should have been out in public loudly shouting and protesting Hef's wedding at the top of your lungs for the same reasons you're protesting Gay Marriage. The problem is that you don't care if Hef gets married to someone 40 years younger, as long as he's marrying a woman. You don't care that it goes against the same tenets you claim to hold dear. Why? Because you don't believe any of them truly. You just hate the LGBT community and will do anything to keep them second class citizens.

Here's where your hypocrisy bites you in your sizable ass Maggie. Until you start shouting at the top of your lungs against marriages that take place in retirement homes (clearly low chance of procreation there) or marriages that have produced no offspring (the sole reason for marriage, as you claim, remember) you can't possibly hope to be taken seriously. If you're going to spout facts, bring it. Realize that you are going to be accountable, and now, more than ever before in history it is really easy to find out which side you fall on. The rights you so take for granted, to be able to marry the man you love, for example, are the rights you are shouting at the top of your lungs to deny others. Hypocrite much? Let's not even get into the finance issues that surround NOM and where you get your funding.

Get the F*$K out of my state, go home to your husband and enjoy the fact that it's legal for you to marry him and love him openly and publicly. That you have over 1100 rights just by signing your marriage license with him. 1100+ rights you are trying to deny other loving couples, purely because they are different from you! I wonder where you would stand on this issue if we were in the 1960's and you were fighting for the right to marry the man you love. HMMMM, don't have a good answer for that one, do you hypocrite?

I just can't...

I've had it with the lies and the bullshit surrounding the Marriage Debate.

Hey...Brian Brown - you Horse's Ass. I have a very good understanding of the separation of Church and State. I understand that you have the right to define marriage within the walls of your church...since there is a separation of Church and State, however, your religion does NOT have the right to define what civil marriage is. I am not asking to get married in your church, so stop telling me I don't understand the separation of Church and State and that I am violating your rights by trying to define marriage.

By the way, you're lying about us hating on the religious folks. We didn't shut down adoption agencies because we hate. The truth is those agencies were funded by states with non-discrimination clauses that said in order to get funding they had to not discriminate. They chose to close rather than allow same sex couples to adopt...we didn't shut them down because we hate them...they were shut down because they hate us, just like this pastor. Yes...religion...all about love!

Just sayin...

Living in Oblivion...

and I'm not talking about those 5 CD's that are all 80's music. I apparently don't pay attention as well as I could when it comes to boys. I have been with friends a few times over the last few weeks and they've all said to me, that guy was just checking you out. I didn't even realize. I didn't even see. I don't understand how that happens. Am I that oblivious that I don't even notice attractive boys checking me out anymore?

I have got to start paying more attention. I don't want to be the person that needs it shouted at him, or go back to high school where a note is passed and you're told that someone likes you. I would like to figure out that there's an attraction on my own...I just need to get better about seeing the signs I guess.

For now though boys, I will say this...subtly might be lost on me, you might just have to approach me and tell me...I just might be oblivious otherwise...or, if we're going out, tell me it's a date...or ask me for a date and not just to hang out...I might not pick up on the difference...I have got to get better at this...

Favourite Teachers...

All day on TV they were talking about PSA's for teachers and education and even President Obama weighed in and talked about his favourite teacher. It had me thinking about who was my favourite teacher growing up?
There were several that sprang to mind, Mrs. Leff, who in second grade gave me the acting/theatre bug by casting me as the lead in the little 2nd grade musical production number. Mrs Snapp who was in charge of the Talented and Gifted program and who started me thinking about things in new ways. Ms Conway from middle/high school was was a student teacher and then full time, who re-ignited my desire to learn. Mr Snapp who coached the Mock Trial team and helped to give me the tools to formulate an opinion, question it and the roots behind it and then not back down until I got the answers I needed. Ms Kelley who helped me navigate college applications more than my guidance counselor and believed with as much passion as I did that I would be accepted at Marist.
I think my favourite teacher though, aside from my sister who is a teacher now, had to be Ms Dombrowski. She was my third grade teacher. It was her first year teaching when she came to our little school. She had a name that was as difficult to spell as mine. I can remember standing up in front of the room at the blackboard and spelling out paraphernalia - I don't know why we were at the blackboard or why we were learning that word...but that sticks out in my mind. She's also the teacher that recognized there was more to me than the book learning. She saw that there was something else there - a spark. She was the teacher that put me in the Talented and Gifted program - which in turn helped to open my eyes and think outside the box...that's where it all began. It's where I started to question things and form my own opinions and learn to have a backbone to support those ideas...

So...thanks to all my teachers - you all taught me valuable lessons, ones that I can apparently still remember today!

The Power of the Universe...

People say they're throwing things out to the universe all the time and seeing what happens...even I have said it a few times. In the past, I have never really known the universe to respond.

Years ago, when I was working at the CIA - the cooking one, not the espionage one, I had a few RA's that I was close with. One of them referred to himself as my RENT-a-Husband. He graduated the same year that I left the CIA. We stayed in touch for a while, but lost touch a few years ago. I knew he and his family were in Texas - I thought the San Antonio area. I tried to find him. I was never successful. He wasn't on Facebook and all the other CIA folks that were on FB didn't know his where-abouts either. I was drawing a blank.

I landed in Houston, turned on the blackberry and threw it out there to the universe and twitter that I would love to see him while here in Texas. The next morning I got a request from someone on Linked-In, and decided, since I was on there, I would be a detective...I found someone I thought was my RAH's wife. I sent a friend request which went something like this..."I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm looking for XXXXXX who's graduated from the CIA in '98 and I think you're his wife. He was my Rent A Husband and I'm in Texas and I would love to see you guys. If this makes sense, my number is XXX XXX XXXX and if not, sorry to have bothered you." Less than an hour later, there was a message on my phone. I threw it out to the universe and won. I got to reconnect with my Rent A Husband and have dinner with him both nights I was in Houston, where they're living now. It was so good to reconnect with him.

I believe in the power of the universe...I believe that good things can happen when you throw it out there...and I thank the goddess for the power of reconnection!

A working progress...

Please bare with me...um...should I get naked here or over there? There are times that I read phrases, not on twitter or text message where you are restricted to a certain number of characters, and I am just left wondering what the writer was really trying to say. It happens quite frequently these days, I am sorry to say.

These are some of my favourites...

New & Improved!! Well, is it new or is it improved? If it's improved, it's not new.

Towing the line. Really? Where are we towing it to? Did it park on the wrong side of the street again? Damn those alternate side parking rules, they get the best of us! It's Toeing the line folks, as in, you are conforming to the norm.

Taken out of contacts. Really? I'm glad that you've taken out your contacts, but perhaps you should put them back in and look at what you've just said - it's taken out of context, as in the quote attributed to you was only part of a sentence or speech and used in a way it was not originally intended to be used. Put your contacts back in and read that again if you think I've taken it out of contacts...

Lindsay Lohan is not going to pleat guilty folks, she is more than likely going to plead not guilty...and I doubt she'll be wearing pleats while she does it, they tend to make people appear larger than they are.

For all intensive purposes...really? Are we sending the purposes to the ER? Are they having heart issues and need to be in intensive care? Most of us say for all intents and purposes...but maybe this is an emergency and does require some intensive action, I just don't know - maybe I've taken it out of contacts?

Okay...those are some of a few that really annoy me when I see or hear them...have I missed some?

And by the way, you live a sorted life (mostly in the UK) if you are thought of as put together and on top of things, organized, and know where you're going and how to get there. You live a sordid life if you are less than perfect and might have done some XXX rated things in your past that you might not want people to find out about. The Monica Lewinsky scandal could be described as a sordid affair not a sorted one. It's cole slaw, not cold slaw, although, it should be cold to keep it from spoiling and it's Prima Donna, as in a difficult person to work with, not PRE-Madonna, and now I feel old as I was definitely born PRE-Madonna, but then again, I can be a Prima Donna too, just ask my friends or my boss...

Okay, rant accomplished and I feel better having said all of this and gotten it off my chest and notice I didn't use the phrase gotten off on my chest because that has a whole other meaning and it belongs in the sordid category boys and girls. And on that note, the phrase is bear with me, asking for patience for the situation, not bare with me as in asking someone to get naked...again, if that's what you want to ask, just realize you are sordid, not sorted...but since you're getting bare, you could do laundry and remember to sort the colours!

it's a new dawn...

a new day...a new life and I'm feeling good...

It's more than a J-Hud single and a Weight Watchers commercial. I'm using it as my new mantra for 2011. This year is the year of me. I've found my voice again and my backbone and I'm not afraid of using them. I'm shedding weight and feeling like myself.

I'm finally at a good place at the gym...I have less than 4% bodyfat left to shed, and less than 9 pounds...I'm excited about that prospect - and finally getting to eat some other foods again. It hasn't really been as bad as I thought it might be, and I am down to an almost 8 minute mile...who would have thought.

I'm not just shedding weight on my body though, I have decided there are too many things in my life that were weighing me down. Things I had collected that were being held onto for one reason or another, but none of the reasons really good. It's not always an easy process letting go of your things...tangible or intangible, but if one is to move one's life forward, it is a necessary step. The past can weigh you down, whether you want it to or not...I'm making the decision about what is worth holding onto and what can be let go, rather than vice versa. Sometimes, you hold onto the memories and not the object, and other times you hold onto both.

Much like my diet these last few months, I keep continually asking myself - is XXX helping me to accomplish my goals? How is XXX helping me to accomplish my goals? What do I get from XXX that makes me want to hold on? If I don't have good answers to those questions, clearly I don't need to have XXX around. It's a long road, and I'm nowhere near done, and it will be a road I continue to travel for the rest of my life - but with practice, it will become easier.

I feel myself lighter and freer than I have felt in a long time, which is how I know the process is working. Painful, difficult, a challenge at times - but well worth it in the long run. Like I said, it's the tangible and the intangible.

I'm letting go of emotions, and emotional baggage. I'm sick of keeping things bottled up and unspoken for fear of how people will react. I'm sick of being the nice guy all the time and letting my wants and needs be trampled. I'm over being in the back seat of my own life. I'm not ever going to have the perfect body, or be the perfect son or brother. I'm not going to be the best at everything or at many things, but I can surely try my best, and that's all I can hope for from myself. I won't always have all the answers (I know, shocking - unless we're potentially talking about trivia questions about pop culture) and it's okay that I don't. I know where to look to find the answers and who I can trust and turn to when I need additional help.

I'm at peace with the lighter me...literally and figuratively and I look forward what 2011 will bring me.