The Trouble with Normal...

The trouble with normal is all in the semantics. By saying something isn't normal, you are automatically implying it is abnormal, or defective or wrong. That is not always the case.

Normal, where I grew up, was a family of a mother and father and kids, all white. Were you abnormal or defective if that wasn't the case? You would think so by some people's reactions. My family was normal to me, even though I know some people didn't think so, and they let my sister know it. Kids can be cruel. I had friends who's parents were divorced. I had friends who lived with a mom and a step dad, were they not normal? Of course they were, they were my friends. That was their normal. No less or more normal than anyone else.

You and your family have a normal Thanksgiving celebration dinner at home around the table. A friend and his single mother celebrate by going out to eat and to the movies, they do this every year - it is normal to them, but not to you. Because it is not your normal, does it mean it is wrong or abnormal? Are there laws on the books that say Thanksgiving has to be celebrated with family around the dinner table? No. Both are normal celebrations to those celebrating.

Let's look at another tangible example involving technology. Growing up you had a land line in the house, and, in fact, your parents still have the same phone number. You had a land line when you first got your own place, and you never used it, so you gave it up in favor of your cell phone - which you use all the time. It isn't the normal you grew up with, but it is normal now. In fact, having a land line theses days is less and less common, does that mean it is not normal if you have one? No.

I live in a big city, I do not own a car, I ride the subway everyday along with millions of my closest friends. That is my normal commute to work. It doesn't make me abnormal if I hop a cab or call car service though instead of the train, circumstances just dictated otherwise. I have friends in the suburbs that have owned more automobiles in the last decade than I can count on two hands, that's their normal. Is it wrong? No. Excessive maybe, but that's the subject for a different blog post.

I grew up and came out of the closet as a gay man, that is my normal. I did not wake up one day and say, I think I want to fall in love with another man. I will not wake up tomorrow and say I think I want to fall in love with a woman. I am in no way abnormal because I am gay, just like my brother and sister are in no way abnormal because they are heterosexual. I know that, like me, they did not wake up one morning and say I want to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. It is just the way they are made. I was bullied in high school and college for the perception that I was gay - maybe they saw something I didn't at that point in time, maybe they picked up on a weakness, for whatever reason, it happened. I made it through, it got better. I am just as normal as anyone else, even the bullies that picked on me. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not normal for the life you lead or the person you love.

Normal adapts and changes over time. Normal in the deep south used to be owning slaves. Was that "right and moral?" No, we learned that lesson, but it didn't mean it wasn't normal. People's views of normal changed. Women weren't allowed to vote, Blacks and Whites had to be separated, you didn't deserve equal pay for equal work - all of these ideas were once thought to be normal. Views changed, society changed, Normal changed, that's the beauty of Normal.

Normal adapts and changes to its surroundings. Normal doesn't demonize to make its point. You aren't worth more or less because you fit one definition of normal or another. Normal adapts. Normal is in the eyes of the beholder. Once we all as a society and peoples understand that there might be more acceptance in the world.