letting go...

when I was in LA on business back in April, a flyer in my boss/friend Eric's office caught my attention. It was for a stage production of Holding the Man by Tommy Murphy somewhere in Australia. The show is based on the book of the same name by Timothy Conigrave. I commented that I had heard fantastic things about both the book and the production. Not long after that Eric presented me with the book to read. Having already packed two for the trip, I packed it away to bring home and read.

I picked it up last weekend to read on the train out to the Hamptons on Friday. I couldn't put it down. I got so engrossed and involved in Tim and John's lives and their love. It's a true story. A memoir. A coming of age/coming out tale. A look at AIDS in the early onset of the crisis, from a distinctly non-American perspective.

I get wrapped up in books all the time, I love to read. Fiction or non-fiction, if the story intrigues me, I'll pick it up and read it. I get attached to books, or stories, or characters easily. I have a ton of books I've read and still more waiting to be read. I fell in love with this book from the very first pages. I fell in love with Tim and John and what they had with each other.

I wept. For a while, knowing it's a memoir, and that AIDS plays a central theme, you know the outcome, and you might get emotional. Towards the middle of the book, I would start to get teary eyed, but still be able to read a chapter or two before having to put it down, the weight of it being too much. As the end of the book drew near, I couldn't go more than a paragraph or two without becoming a blubbering mess. I finished it today on the subway home from the gym and good cardio workout. I had tears streaming down my face. I had sunglasses on and it was still apparent. I was sniffling and choking back the emotion. I am crying now writing this remembering how wonderful it was. I feel like I lost two friends...it really was that good.

I have to pass it on to people to read, but it's sitting on my bed, I can't let go of it yet. It really is like saying goodbye to someone, when you know it will be the last time. I'm not ready to let go, but I know I have to...

Tim and John...I hope that you've found each other again...