Valentines Day

I was thinking about the artificial holiday dedicated to love a lot yesterday, after all, it was Valentine's Day. I celebrated the day in high school, when I had girlfriends...in the typical, sugary-sweet high school fashion. In college, when I was figuring myself out and NOT dating anyone, as well as being an RA and wanting to offer those that didn't have the typical lovey-dovey date, I used to sponsor Anti-Valentine's Day parties every year. We'd watch a scary movie, have food and then throw darts at a giant billboard covered in valentines day cards. As I grew up, I celebrated fewer and fewer Valentine's Days until they just became another day on the calendar. I celebrated a handful of times as an adult, when I was dating someone at the time. I have one fond memory of Valentine's Day, when I was dating Tony, but the rest are a blur. I know we celebrated, as that's what couple's do. I think I remember the VDay with Tony, only because it was the last time I really celebrated the day - and that was almost 10 years ago.

I'm not really against VDay, but I'm not really for it either. If you're in a relationship, shouldn't you make the person you're with feel special every day? Shouldn't every day be a celebration of your love? Why should you wait for one day to have a big, all out celebration? Anniversaries I get. Birthday's I get. But a special day to take your sweetheart on a date and buy them flowers, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't get it. I look at relationships differently I guess. I want the person I'm with to know that I cherish them everyday - not just VDay. Maybe it's because I'm single. Maybe I'm just warped...

Perhaps it's because, in my family, we have a big celebration on the 15th of February every year. We mark the day that my sister came into our lives. It's not her birthday, there are no presents, although there is cake - strawberry frosting. My sister is adopted, and she was 3 months old on the day that she came into our lives, and every year since, we have had a celebration to mark the occasion. That was always worth celebrating more to me anyway...

Freedom

There's a lot of talk these days about freedom. It is an election year after all, and all of the candidates would like to convince us that they believe in the freedom they preach about. We are, after all, the land of the free and the home of the brave. Are we though? I guess that comes down to where you fall on the spectrum of political beliefs. I'm a liberal - I make no qualms about that. There are a few things that puzzle me about the conservatives though. They're the ones that are fighting for a candidate these days.

As a student of political science, a conservative believes in personal responsibly, limited government, a free market, individual liberty, strong national defense and traditional American Values. They also believe that the role of government should be to provide people the freedom necessary to pursue their own goals and conservative policies generally emphasize the empowerment of the individual to solve problems.

Gee, this sounds swell you're thinking. Even I, reading that, think - this is not bad. These are all good things. After all, who doesn't believe in traditional American Values? What's wrong with a Free Market? What's wrong with empowering individuals to solve problems? Nothing - if you give them the appropriate options to solve those problems. Only offering one solution to a problem does not empower an individual.

Let's examine for a moment what the conservatives screaming at the top of their lungs are trying to do these days.

They want the Federal Government to define marriage as between one man and one woman.
They want the Federal Government out of Healthcare.
Most of them want abortions outlawed.
They believe that more guns in the hands of more people will help to lower crime.
They believe in securing our borders and preventing illegal immigration with a fence.
They believe that the Constitution does not officially sanction the separation of church and state and see no issue with God being a part of or system.
They believe in lower taxes and a smaller government, with limited power.

So...how is it that they want the government to ban same sex marriage? How is it that they want to tell women that they can't get birth control or have an abortion? How is it that they want to determine what's appropriate to watch on television or view on the internet? How is this limited government? If a conservative truly believe that the government, specifically the federal government, should not be intruding on their personal affairs, how does this sync up? I don't get it.

How can you be so passionate about freedom and yet want to decide whom I can marry, what I can watch or view or what a woman can do with her body if she's pregnant? How is that free?

Civility

I have to ask - when did civility die? I know - you're thinking, I'm the hardened New Yorker, the bitch, the one who tells it like it is. All of these things are true, but that doesn't mean that I am not courteous and civil to people. The world would be a much different place if we were all a bit more civil towards each other - despite differences.

Let's just examine my day, shall we. I was crossing the street to get to the subway and go to work, and a woman with her head in her iPhone wasn't paying attention, so I moved out of her way (at the last minute, but I still moved) and she raises her head and lets out a torrent of why the hell didn't you get out of my way sooner? Really? Why weren't you paying attention and then I wouldn't have had to deviate from my course? I smiled and kept walking. And, really, who should have been apologizing in this situation.

I'm exiting the subway at Columbus Circle to change trains and get slammed into by two different people forcing their way onto the train as soon as the doors opened, rather than letting those of us that needed to exit the train off first. Waiting until people have exited the train usually works better folks. Not even one, I'm sorry or excuse me...just slam through me. I didn't think the commute had become a mosh pit.


I picked up my coffee and went up to my office. I press my floor, and am told what elevator to go to. I board the elevator when the doors open and it starts whisking my to my floor. I get run into as I'm exiting the elevator because, again, someone was there, just waiting for the doors to open and didn't even bother to check and see if anyone was in the elevator before plowing ahead. I'm going to go there...it was an intern. And then I heard it - she was talking to another intern with her. "Who do these staffers think they are, I mean we all need the elevator, they should know when to exit." EXCUSE ME? Well...I'm a bit riled at that point and, sorry to say dear intern, but your actions and then attitude got you reported to HR and your supervisor - yes, I do know who you are interning for.

The day didn't get much better at the gym. I'm changed, putting the last of my belongings into the locker before locking it and going out to meet the trainer on the floor. A gentleman comes in with his trainer and proceeds to shout through me to his trainer standing on the other side of me and then pushes my stool out of the way (not empty, water bottle, gloves, book all sitting on it) and exclaims, "Christ, what does it take to get to my locker." I just shake my head, and think to myself, excuse me, but are you getting ready to leave, can I get into my locker. I'm thinking a multitude of things, but I just pick up my stuff from the floor, lock my locker and leave the locker room. I get pushed by my trainer, have a great session thanks to having frustration to work out and then go back into the locker room to change. I'm almost at the point where I'm leaving. A completely different gentleman comes in with his workout partner. I still have a few things on the stool to put in my bag and my coat in the locker. He proceeds to just peel off his sweaty clothes and pile them on top of my things on the stool. I've about lost it at this point. I just take a breath and look at him square in the eye and say, "Excuse me, but might I get my stuff from underneath your sweaty clothes?" To which he responds, "where the fuck did you think I should put my stuff?" Well, anywhere but on top of mine, or how about asking me politely to move mine before you start to cover it. No...you just started piling on top. You're damn lucky it wasn't on top of my good bag or coat or you would have been walking out with a few less teeth of broken fingers.

When did respect and civility die? Where did it go? Is it really that difficult to say Excuse Me or I'm sorry when you bump into someone, or ask if the stool is taken, or if you can move it to get into your locker or pile you stuff on top of it? Maybe it's just the day I've had...but I really think civility has left New York City...and I don't know where it's gone.

Perception

Are you liberal or conservative? Republican or Democrat? Are you religious or athiest? Is that song about love or loneliness? Are you bigoted or just opinionated? Is the Bible real or just another work of fiction? Are we able to be independent thinkers and realize that everything contained within the Bible is a guideline, and just as times change so does our interpretation of the contents of the Bible? Sometimes it's all a matter of perception. Even the most conservative of Republicans can be accused of being liberal...the horrors...if a more conservative person disagrees with them. Conversely, a liberal Democrat may be accused of being conservative if they say something more conservative than another liberal. It's all about perception. If you are spiritual, but not necessarily religious, are you an atheist - to the religious zealot you may be. Perception.

"Still, the Bible is like a mirror. You end up reading it not as a reflection of how it is but of how you are. If you're a bigoted, narrow person, you will find bigotry in the Bible." Daniel Tammet