Boyfriend Material

A few times lately I've been asked why I'm single.  Picky, I guess? I expect more than a quickie and dinner? I want someone to stick around and hold my hand? I just haven't found the right guy yet?

The real answer is not any of those things or by any means that simple. I am picky, and I do expect those things and I haven't found Mr Right yet. But it is infinitely more than any or all of those things. I am. a complicated mess. The right person has to crack that and get inside. Very few people ever do - besties not withstanding.

I am a hopeless romantic and I want someone who believes in romantic gestures - BIG or small. Love stories on the screen and the pages have coloured my perspective. Every new love song written renews my hope HE is out there. It would be nice to get a random text/tweet/bb messenger (pick your favorite new technology here) in the middle of the day just so he could tell me he's thinking of me. Holding my hand is BIG! I mean BIG - I love nothing more than wandering around the city and feeling our hands inter-twined, not knowing where his ends and mine begins.

I am over the hill, at least in gay years. 30 was years ago. I am not out of shape and pot-bellied, but I am not the chelsea clone who doesn't eat and spends hour upon hour at the gym (do they work?). I am in better shape now than I was at 30 - so take that 20 somethings! And, because I did it for me, and not to land a man - it will stick with me and I won't let myself go to pot after I'm in a relationship.

I am GAY. I don't mean that in the sense that I wear a big rainbow cape and spandex suit as this years new gay superhero, but I gave up caring who knew a long time ago. I am not one who has to label people masculine or feminine - and too much of my culture cares about those labels these days. I go to sports bars and drag bars. I can try and be butch, but I also can queen out - there's a list - I will forward it to you in advance, if you're applying for the position. 

 

I guess the really simple answer to the question is, I haven't found someone that is boyfriend material. I don't want to really be single forever, and I don't want to rush into any relationship. I want someone who is emotionally available, who is interested in being in a relationship with ME, not just be in a relationship. Someone who can be my best friend and romantic and fun and can hold up his end of the conversation. Someone who is Prince Charming and a little Malificent too. Someone I can share it all with and won't run away or close off. Someone I don't have to scale walls to get to and who's got matching baggage to mine - none of us are without baggage, so I'm being realistic. Too much to ask for?  Maybe so...

Sign o' the Times?

I'm sick of being the one that's left behind. It seems with all my relationships, I am the one that's left, its rare that I do the leaving.  Even boys that I've dated for a spell and remain friends with seem to employ this attitude of disposability. If we are to remain friends folks, it works two ways - I cannot, and will not any longer, be the one making all the effort to reach out and try to make plans.  And another thing - inviting me to a large gathering where I will see you for 30 seconds, perhaps, all night long does not constitute plans.  Especially when I haven't seen you in months!  Tweeting me and saying hi on facebook are great and all, but don't count as contact either.

This isn't a ploy for pity or crying out for help, those in the know will know me better than that, this is just me venting and getting shit off my chest.  For as far as technology has taken us, I still want old fashioned, face to face contact every once in a while, especially from my friends!.  I'm not looking to date a computer, society judges me enough for dating men!

All of this pondering has left me questioning technology.  Are we better off with it? Are we forming lasting relationships when our only interaction is mostly online? Are they even relationships at all?  Oh what tangled webs we weave...