Come Out, Come out...

where-ever you are. I know, it's a tried and true chant from the kids games of Hide and Go Seek. It's also something, that as an openly gay man, living in today's society I happen to believe in.

We are no longer dragged out of bars (no pun intended) just because we are gay. The AIDS epidemic is no longer just a GAY disease. We are protesting the passing of Prop 8 and other legislation that took away our right to marry. But have we forgotten our roots?

We are no longer dragged out of bars because we are gay because people came out, let their friends and families know who they were and that they weren't afraid to stand up for their rights. The AIDS epidemic proved to America that we are a community that can come together in good times (duh) and bad to get things done.

Maybe if more people that voted yes for Prop 8 knew GLBTQ folks they would have changed their minds. Maybe not. But does it hurt to come out of the gay ghettos and make ourselves known? Were we just campaigning in WeHo and Silverlake or were we knocking door to door (just like the Mormons do) in areas where we might not have had overwhelming support but where we could have swayed one vote?

I am out and proud. I have taken a male date to my brothers wedding and listened to fag jokes in the bathroom when the in-laws didn't know I was there. I have given my nephews books with themes of diversity and that have gay characters. I have never been in the closet at work since I came out. I have been in places where I was the only openly gay employee (not the only gay employee, but the only openly gay one). I have worked with college kids and watched them struggle with coming out to their parents and family and have seen the results on the good and the bad side. But, you know what - there are more good stories now.

As we, as a community, make ourselves more visible and more known, and not just to each other, we continue to change peoples attitudes. I know this is true. I know people that have told me that their attitude changed after they met and got to know me. I have watched the inlaws drop their guard a little once they figured out I wasn't recruiting. My grandmothers (god rest them and I miss them) knew I was gay. One even knit me a rainbow pride scarf - and knew full well what it meant when I asked for it. Coming out can have an impact. We need to remember that.

I know that not everyone is in a place where the can be totally out - but pick your battles, and if it's not going to cost you - come out and help sway opinion.

And while we're on the subject - we need to remember to "Mourn the losses, because there are many, but celebrate the victoires, because there are few." I don't know who said it originally, but I always remember Debbie saying it to Michael in Queer as Folk.

So - way to go CT - we might not be there in CA and other places yet, but as a CT neighbor, it's nice to know I can get hitched there and have it recognized in NY. Now if only I could find the right guy to get hitched to...hmmmmmm