A Place at the Table

I’d like a place at the table, the grown up’s table please. I feel like everyone in the GLBT family needs to keep asking this constantly of our government. We’ve started to be included and have a place at the table, according to several of our activist groups. But, is it a place at the table if we’re sitting at the kid’s table? Growing up, when we had extended family gatherings, there was always a grown up table and a kids table. There were so many cousins, a kid’s table was necessary, and I’m sure that I’m not the only family where this was common. I was always one of those kids that couldn’t wait to grow up enough that I could sit with all the grown ups at that table, it always seemed so much more interesting than eating my mashed potatoes with the kids. Being offered a Civil Union makes me feel like I’m still sitting at the kid’s table. I might be an adult, all grown up, good job, etc, but I’m still sitting at the government’s version of the kid’s table. I can vote and I can participate in the democracy, but I’m not a full citizen, because I can only have a Civil Union, I can’t get married. More gravy, kiddo?

My sister is getting married in 6 months (give or take a few days) and I will proudly stand by her side as her Maid of Honour. I will stand up for her and my soon to be brother in law and bless their union and wish them all the happiness in the world. I was in the line of groomsmen and happily stood up for my brother and sister in law a few years back too.

Before 1967 my sister would not have been allowed to enter into this marriage. She’s Korean and her fiancé is not, there was no interracial marriage. I’m not saying it’s right, but it was law back then, and I would have been one of the first people standing up for her back then – you don’t control who you love, and you have every right to celebrate that love by getting married. It took many courageous people to stand up and make our government understand that, as is happening again now. Fear kept many couples whom weren’t the same race from getting married back then, and those same fears are being dragged out today in an effort to prevent many in the LGBT community from getting married.

What were people afraid of back then? What are people afraid of today? It certainly can’t be the unknown. The GLBT community is the most visible it has ever been, and more and more young people are coming out earlier and earlier, without batting an eye. While it’s probably the most inclusive time for the GLBT community, we’re also being held at arms length in some situations. We have had courageous folks stand up and say it’s not right; we need more to do the same. I know that just as I would have stood up for my sister, she is standing up for me.

We have presidential candidates, in probably one of the biggest presidential elections of my generation, and neither one of them supports gay marriage, and both define it as between a man and a woman. Granted, one of those candidates is the lesser of the two evils, but are we lemmings? Barrack Obama of all people should understand this struggle more than he does; his parents were of different races and fought this prejudice head on. He says he has fought prejudice his whole life, so why not stand up for the members of the GLBT community that are fighting that same prejudice now, from the likes of the political elite, of which he is a part and wants so much to change? What bigger change could there be right now than to have a Presidential candidate stand up and say, this isn’t right, when two people are in love they are entitled to get married, regardless of their gender.

So, why are we (collectively as GLBT folk) flocking to a candidate that clearly doesn’t support our basic rights? He says he believes in Civil Unions, are we supposed to be thrilled by that inclusion? I’m not. Grown Ups Table please, I’ve earned my right to sit there. I am not a second-class citizen. Nowhere in the constitution that I studied does it say I have to be a heterosexual to have all the rights that document grants. If someone else has found that secret passage, please point it out to me, I’ll take my mashed potatoes and go back to sitting with the kids.