A Place at the Table

I’d like a place at the table, the grown up’s table please. I feel like everyone in the GLBT family needs to keep asking this constantly of our government. We’ve started to be included and have a place at the table, according to several of our activist groups. But, is it a place at the table if we’re sitting at the kid’s table? Growing up, when we had extended family gatherings, there was always a grown up table and a kids table. There were so many cousins, a kid’s table was necessary, and I’m sure that I’m not the only family where this was common. I was always one of those kids that couldn’t wait to grow up enough that I could sit with all the grown ups at that table, it always seemed so much more interesting than eating my mashed potatoes with the kids. Being offered a Civil Union makes me feel like I’m still sitting at the kid’s table. I might be an adult, all grown up, good job, etc, but I’m still sitting at the government’s version of the kid’s table. I can vote and I can participate in the democracy, but I’m not a full citizen, because I can only have a Civil Union, I can’t get married. More gravy, kiddo?

My sister is getting married in 6 months (give or take a few days) and I will proudly stand by her side as her Maid of Honour. I will stand up for her and my soon to be brother in law and bless their union and wish them all the happiness in the world. I was in the line of groomsmen and happily stood up for my brother and sister in law a few years back too.

Before 1967 my sister would not have been allowed to enter into this marriage. She’s Korean and her fiancé is not, there was no interracial marriage. I’m not saying it’s right, but it was law back then, and I would have been one of the first people standing up for her back then – you don’t control who you love, and you have every right to celebrate that love by getting married. It took many courageous people to stand up and make our government understand that, as is happening again now. Fear kept many couples whom weren’t the same race from getting married back then, and those same fears are being dragged out today in an effort to prevent many in the LGBT community from getting married.

What were people afraid of back then? What are people afraid of today? It certainly can’t be the unknown. The GLBT community is the most visible it has ever been, and more and more young people are coming out earlier and earlier, without batting an eye. While it’s probably the most inclusive time for the GLBT community, we’re also being held at arms length in some situations. We have had courageous folks stand up and say it’s not right; we need more to do the same. I know that just as I would have stood up for my sister, she is standing up for me.

We have presidential candidates, in probably one of the biggest presidential elections of my generation, and neither one of them supports gay marriage, and both define it as between a man and a woman. Granted, one of those candidates is the lesser of the two evils, but are we lemmings? Barrack Obama of all people should understand this struggle more than he does; his parents were of different races and fought this prejudice head on. He says he has fought prejudice his whole life, so why not stand up for the members of the GLBT community that are fighting that same prejudice now, from the likes of the political elite, of which he is a part and wants so much to change? What bigger change could there be right now than to have a Presidential candidate stand up and say, this isn’t right, when two people are in love they are entitled to get married, regardless of their gender.

So, why are we (collectively as GLBT folk) flocking to a candidate that clearly doesn’t support our basic rights? He says he believes in Civil Unions, are we supposed to be thrilled by that inclusion? I’m not. Grown Ups Table please, I’ve earned my right to sit there. I am not a second-class citizen. Nowhere in the constitution that I studied does it say I have to be a heterosexual to have all the rights that document grants. If someone else has found that secret passage, please point it out to me, I’ll take my mashed potatoes and go back to sitting with the kids.

Purging...

so I've spent a bit of time this weekend trying to clean and purge my bedroom and the rest of the apt by default as well. I have all kinds of ideas about what I want to do and what's the next step n my process. I have thrown or given away so much stuff in the last two years, and yet I feel like there's just so much crap around me right now, I don't know where to start. I want to re-arrange the living room and my bedroom. I want to paint. I want to class things up a bit, but wonder if it's worth it (the effort and the money) for all the improvement. At the same time I want to fix things up, I want to de-clutter and simplify. I have too much stuff. I don't need all of it, obviously. Where to start next. Hmmm...

It's all about perspective I guess...

because otherwise, I don't understand the positive spin on some things. For example, I was leaving the gym today and walking the four blocks back to the subway on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. There was this amazingly sharp dressed woman, well put together, talking on her cell phone with a friend walking a bit ahead of me. You could tell it was a friend from the ease of the conversation, even only hearing one side of it. Anyway, I wasn't really paying close attention, until I hear her get a little animated and exclaim:

"I mean really, what was she thinking about trying to be a victim. When someone tries to kill you, you just HAVE to turn it around and use it to your advantage."

Really? Seriously? I mean, the only real upside that I see is that whomever this almost killed woman was just almost killed, and not dead. I'm failing to see any other upside/advantage, but I guess that's all in the perspective.

for a good cause...

so, I read about this musician that plays coffeehouses and was finding it hard to make ends meet with the high gas prices. to combat it, he took to the seas, or the canal at least. He's a folk musician, so it seems fitting that he's making a statement at the same time. While I'm not sure what his music is like, I'm planning on going to his show when he's in town here in NYC after he's paddled all the way from Buffalo NY to NYC on the Erie Canal and the Hudson by canoe. I'll also buy a CD, if for no other reason than to support him. Want to read more, check out the profile/article in the NY Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/28/nyregion/28canoe.html

Anyone else in?

My Giant Gaping Hole...

get your minds out of the gutter boys...the giant gaping hole in my bathroom FINALLY got fixed yesterday morning. I again had to go and seek out the workers in the am, as they didn't arrive on time. When they finally did arrive, the job turned out to be bigger than they anticipated (go figure, I've been telling them it was bigger than they thought for weeks now) and it took longer than expected to complete the work. The bathroom was left in a mess, and so was the kitchen and entry way to the apt, but I just didn't care as I was already late to work, so I just needed to go. So...I go to work, hit the gym and come home knowing I need to clean the place up. I turn on the hot water tap (the root of the problem to start with) and the water just trickles out, teasing and taunting me! At 8pm, the last thing I want to do is find the super...but I do just that...he shows up and fixes the hot water tap, I finish my dinner and clean the bathroom and kitchen and then shower and it's 930...and I wonder where my night went...

To sleep, perchance to dream...

I feel like my nephew when he got his first big boy bed. My bed for the last 1o years has been a double bed. I loved it. I loved the bed frame and the bed itself. It was in my grandmothers guest room, and when I moved out on my own she gave it to me. I brought it with me when I moved to MA, and then when I moved to NYC.

I have contemplated a new bed for a while, but really couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking I would just buy a new mattress and be okay. Well, I was looking for new mattresses and realized that, at 34, I shouldn't be sleeping in the same double bed anymore. It's the bed of my 20's...you know when you don't have alot of money for furniture and rely on hand me downs and cheap. Not that it was cheap, or in the hand me down sense that I didn't really like it, it's just what it was. It's cramped when Mr. Right finally decides to show up. I looked online for beds and fell in love with one, and upgraded to a Queen. I am one anyway, so why not sleep on one. That meant getting a new mattress as well, so that and new sheet sets later I was in business. The bed arrived, and I put it together (all by myself Jon and Dad!) and hauled the mattress onto the platform and I was cooking with gas!

I love spreading out, and having room, love the new mattress and I can't believe I waited so long to get a big boy bed!