the time for games is over. Let's face it, as adults, the time for games was over when we left high school...maybe some of us got away with them in college, but not many. Your life is not a game...there shouldn't have to be a feeling of having to collect the most game pieces, or answer all the questions correctly in order to win. You don't need to have the newest, shiniest, prettiest new things in order to compete...or feel worthy enough to compete. If you've been told differently...then it was a player that told you so!
There is no Go where you automatically collect $200 for every trip around the board...most of us don't get to buy a hotel on Park Place (although some of us grew up there) and there are no get out of jail free cards.
Think about it...it's the flaw in their logic...the only ones that advocate keeping up are the ones trying the hardest to keep up. The ones that have it figured out don't care where you work...what you do...how much money you take home or what car you drive...they've figured out that it's all about WHO you are.
The sum of all your stuff doesn't make up who you are...they're just things. I would rather have a few good friends than a bunch I can't count on...I would rather have some knowledge than know everything...I don't need a bag for every outfit, I need one that functions with my life as it is...I don't need a car, I live in NYC - why? I would rather have a good meal at a great restaurant than an okay meal at someplace really fancy and expensive. I don't need to be seen in order to feel my night is complete...and you don't need to be rich or powerful to be my friend...I need you to be there for me and want to be my friend...and by the way...the same rules apply to any potential boyfriend applicants...hey...a single boy can dream.
We are all adults...the time for games is over..it's taken me a while to figure out some of that...but it's the truth. Do with it what you will...it's Life...not the game of Life!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Puzzles...
I really enjoyed putting puzzles together as a kid...I think it taught me to not look at things so one dimensionally and to conceptualize how things need to look and what to do to get there. I know that as we get older we sometimes don't put puzzles together in the same way...and sometimes we do. The puzzles we face as adults are far more complicated than the puzzles we faced as children.
As a kid, when you were putting the puzzle together you could always look at the picture on the front of the box for guidance...and unless you lost a piece, the picture always looked like the box. The puzzles we solve as adults don't come with pictures much anymore. They are crafted as we go along, sometimes forcing a piece where it shouldn't belong, and other times holding onto pieces when we don't need to, because we don't know where they fit, or if they do at all. I think what disappoints me most is when you finally think you have the puzzle all fit together, and the picture is not what you expected at all - or you don't like what you've come up with. You have to take apart the pieces and start to put the puzzle together again...and hope for a better outcome.
As a kid, when you were putting the puzzle together you could always look at the picture on the front of the box for guidance...and unless you lost a piece, the picture always looked like the box. The puzzles we solve as adults don't come with pictures much anymore. They are crafted as we go along, sometimes forcing a piece where it shouldn't belong, and other times holding onto pieces when we don't need to, because we don't know where they fit, or if they do at all. I think what disappoints me most is when you finally think you have the puzzle all fit together, and the picture is not what you expected at all - or you don't like what you've come up with. You have to take apart the pieces and start to put the puzzle together again...and hope for a better outcome.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Social Media
Social Media is everywhere these days. Whether you facebook or tweet or follow the feeds of blogs or sites you use...you can't escape it. That got me wondering...what would life be like if you actually lived it by Social Media's rules and how will social media impact how children today grow up.
When I was younger you went outside and rode bikes or played kickball, or something with your friends...you didn't play online games and chat with them. So...what would life be like if you lived by Social Media's rules?
You would have 100's of friends to keep up with on a regular basis...you could approve or deny new friends by the click of your mouse. You could block people and not have to deal with them again...instead of getting to the heart of the problem, having a conversation and perhaps salvaging a friend. Your thoughts and ideas and random musings are public for everyone to experience. Your living room would suddenly be full to capacity and over-flowing as you watch your favourite TV show or awards ceremony with thousands of other people...all talking about what's happening. You would know and talk to celebrity's all the time. Pass them in the hallways even and shout "I loved last night's episode" and they would actually stop and respond to you and say thanks for the support. There would be no boundaries. Following a "star" while walking down the street and seeing into the intimate details of their life isn't considered stalking anymore...it's the norm.
Every time you had a new thought or musing, you would automatically find new friends with whom you immediately identify and create lasting bonds with. You share more about your life than you might in person and never ask, wait, did I just say that out loud? Friends from all over the world and still feel like they are sitting right next to you. If you see something interesting you merely snap a picture and everyone else you know automatically sees it too, and then shares it with everyone they know, in a matter of seconds and all of a sudden, you have more friends at your disposal. Bullies from High School would like things you have to say...as there are no longer any boundaries separating you anymore. All of that is in the past.
When you travel to new cities you automatically have a social network and friends to go have drinks and dinner with...no more awkwardly standing at a bar waiting to be talked to...conversely...everyone you meet becomes your new friend, thus increasing the size of your Arc...
wait...why is Social Media bad again? Oh...right...because in all of the good that can happen with Social Media...and all of the positives it has...if you don't know how to disconnect from it and have a real and legitimate conversation with your real peeps it means absolutely nothing. I don't care how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people follow you on Twitter...if you can't actually find the time to have dinner with me after tweeting that you have plans with X, Y, Z and each of their cousins over the next few days then social media does me no good.
I love that I can keep folks updated on everything I do...I love the some friends get to travel through me every time I take a trip for work. I love that I can watch my nephews grow up in real time when pictures are posted...and see that one turned 2 months old and looks more adorable every day and another wore crazy socks to school...I love all of the bonuses that social media can bring your life...but I also know that I can step away from it and have conversations over dinner with real friends...or coffee...or go to the movies and not have to live tweet throughout the entire event.
For all the ways that social media brings us together...I wonder how much further it pushes us apart...just something to think about.
When I was younger you went outside and rode bikes or played kickball, or something with your friends...you didn't play online games and chat with them. So...what would life be like if you lived by Social Media's rules?
You would have 100's of friends to keep up with on a regular basis...you could approve or deny new friends by the click of your mouse. You could block people and not have to deal with them again...instead of getting to the heart of the problem, having a conversation and perhaps salvaging a friend. Your thoughts and ideas and random musings are public for everyone to experience. Your living room would suddenly be full to capacity and over-flowing as you watch your favourite TV show or awards ceremony with thousands of other people...all talking about what's happening. You would know and talk to celebrity's all the time. Pass them in the hallways even and shout "I loved last night's episode" and they would actually stop and respond to you and say thanks for the support. There would be no boundaries. Following a "star" while walking down the street and seeing into the intimate details of their life isn't considered stalking anymore...it's the norm.
Every time you had a new thought or musing, you would automatically find new friends with whom you immediately identify and create lasting bonds with. You share more about your life than you might in person and never ask, wait, did I just say that out loud? Friends from all over the world and still feel like they are sitting right next to you. If you see something interesting you merely snap a picture and everyone else you know automatically sees it too, and then shares it with everyone they know, in a matter of seconds and all of a sudden, you have more friends at your disposal. Bullies from High School would like things you have to say...as there are no longer any boundaries separating you anymore. All of that is in the past.
When you travel to new cities you automatically have a social network and friends to go have drinks and dinner with...no more awkwardly standing at a bar waiting to be talked to...conversely...everyone you meet becomes your new friend, thus increasing the size of your Arc...
wait...why is Social Media bad again? Oh...right...because in all of the good that can happen with Social Media...and all of the positives it has...if you don't know how to disconnect from it and have a real and legitimate conversation with your real peeps it means absolutely nothing. I don't care how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people follow you on Twitter...if you can't actually find the time to have dinner with me after tweeting that you have plans with X, Y, Z and each of their cousins over the next few days then social media does me no good.
I love that I can keep folks updated on everything I do...I love the some friends get to travel through me every time I take a trip for work. I love that I can watch my nephews grow up in real time when pictures are posted...and see that one turned 2 months old and looks more adorable every day and another wore crazy socks to school...I love all of the bonuses that social media can bring your life...but I also know that I can step away from it and have conversations over dinner with real friends...or coffee...or go to the movies and not have to live tweet throughout the entire event.
For all the ways that social media brings us together...I wonder how much further it pushes us apart...just something to think about.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
bullying...
it seems like there's been a lot of talk about bullying and the effect it can have on people. There are whole campaigns that are dedicated to eradicating it from schools...the work place...public. Bullying serves no real or legit purpose. There is no real upside to bullying...whether done on the schoolyard or in the world of international politics. In the end, the bullies are exposed for what they truly are...
I've seen and felt the effects of bullying first hand...but the thing is, despite having been bullied throughout my childhood...I survived. That doesn't mean I want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. I don't anyone to feel that their teachers let it happen...or that their classmates teasing is warranted. I know that there is a contingent out there for whom this just represents growing pains. It doesn't and it isn't! When you are being picked on or bullied about something that you have no control over, it is not about growing pains. When you are being singled out based on perceived sexual orientation and teachers and administrators stay silent and tacitly let the taunting to continue, it sends a message. When the teachers actually contribute to the taunting, it sends a very powerful message! Growing pains it is not!
I'm not angry (anymore) and I was never one that considered ending it all because of the bullying (thankfully), but so many do. In a world with as many differences as there are, why does bullying need to continue? Why does it continue? Simple, because children learn from their parents and the adults around them. When they see an adult arguing hatefully against same sex marriage, they learn to bully. When they see teachers that emphasize that the terrorists were Muslim and participate in the wink, wink, nudge, nudge that all terrorists are Muslim, they learn to bully. When children hear their parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc speak ill about a certain group of people, for no other reason than perceived difference - they learn to bully. And they learn that bullying will make them feel better because they are putting others down/in their place.
When you learn to rise above your place, and fight back...you quickly learn what the bullies are made of...empty rhetoric and more often than not, old and antiquated stereotypes that have been proven time and time again to be false. I'm reminded often of the scene at the end of Revenge of the Nerds...when Louis asks anyone who's ever been called a nerd, and picked on, put down, etc. to join him on the field. Pretty soon we see almost everyone out on the field and the bullies standing with their heads hung, perhaps in shame.
Think about it...for all of us that have been bullied...if we all stood together to put an end to it...what a force we could all be. Who out there hasn't been bullied at one point in time or another?
I've seen and felt the effects of bullying first hand...but the thing is, despite having been bullied throughout my childhood...I survived. That doesn't mean I want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. I don't anyone to feel that their teachers let it happen...or that their classmates teasing is warranted. I know that there is a contingent out there for whom this just represents growing pains. It doesn't and it isn't! When you are being picked on or bullied about something that you have no control over, it is not about growing pains. When you are being singled out based on perceived sexual orientation and teachers and administrators stay silent and tacitly let the taunting to continue, it sends a message. When the teachers actually contribute to the taunting, it sends a very powerful message! Growing pains it is not!
I'm not angry (anymore) and I was never one that considered ending it all because of the bullying (thankfully), but so many do. In a world with as many differences as there are, why does bullying need to continue? Why does it continue? Simple, because children learn from their parents and the adults around them. When they see an adult arguing hatefully against same sex marriage, they learn to bully. When they see teachers that emphasize that the terrorists were Muslim and participate in the wink, wink, nudge, nudge that all terrorists are Muslim, they learn to bully. When children hear their parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc speak ill about a certain group of people, for no other reason than perceived difference - they learn to bully. And they learn that bullying will make them feel better because they are putting others down/in their place.
When you learn to rise above your place, and fight back...you quickly learn what the bullies are made of...empty rhetoric and more often than not, old and antiquated stereotypes that have been proven time and time again to be false. I'm reminded often of the scene at the end of Revenge of the Nerds...when Louis asks anyone who's ever been called a nerd, and picked on, put down, etc. to join him on the field. Pretty soon we see almost everyone out on the field and the bullies standing with their heads hung, perhaps in shame.
Think about it...for all of us that have been bullied...if we all stood together to put an end to it...what a force we could all be. Who out there hasn't been bullied at one point in time or another?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
better...
When I was younger, my family owned a few sporting goods stores, it started as my Grandfathers (paternal) and then my Dad and Uncle after Pop-Pop passed. When I was a kid, I used to spend time at the store, in Pop-Pop's office (or my Dads...the memory is fuzzy) coloring. There are things I remember about my Pop-Pop, who died when I was 8, that I take with me as lessons still today.
Always carry a pen - you never know when you're going to need it. It's true - you don't know when you might and to this day, there is always a pen in my bag at all times. My notebook at work has a pen loop - and one always rests there so I can grab and go.
If you look busy, people will assume that you are - aka carry a clipboard and walk with a purpose. Well...I have given up carrying the clipboard (does anyone outside of a school use those anymore?) but I do walk with a purpose, which definitely tends to give the appearance of being busy and confident.
The last lesson is one that my Dad and Uncle also stressed as I got older and really started working at the store...we have to be better than everyone else. Not in the snobby, noses up kind of way. But in the sense that everyone assumed that I had a job there because of the family connection, so I had to be better at my job than the rest of the staff, just to prove I was supposed to be there.
That last lesson, about being better has really stuck with me. I know that it has rung true in other areas of my life too. When you are a minority (let's face it...I might be white...but there's no way I'm passing as anything close to straight...the boys in high school were right...I just didn't have it figured out) you have to be better than others just to prove your worth. You have to participate and vote - most of the time for self preservation and so your rights aren't taken away by a landslide majority. You have to be better when you get married and your marriages are held up to so much more scrutiny. You have to be better parents...where again you are held to more scrutiny than the average parents...
you have to be better...something I try and live up to every day...sometimes I succeed...and sometimes it comes off as snobby...but never my intent. I'm just trying to be better...so that someday, hopefully, there will be far less scrutiny and need to feel like you have to be...just to be the same as everyone else.
Always carry a pen - you never know when you're going to need it. It's true - you don't know when you might and to this day, there is always a pen in my bag at all times. My notebook at work has a pen loop - and one always rests there so I can grab and go.
If you look busy, people will assume that you are - aka carry a clipboard and walk with a purpose. Well...I have given up carrying the clipboard (does anyone outside of a school use those anymore?) but I do walk with a purpose, which definitely tends to give the appearance of being busy and confident.
The last lesson is one that my Dad and Uncle also stressed as I got older and really started working at the store...we have to be better than everyone else. Not in the snobby, noses up kind of way. But in the sense that everyone assumed that I had a job there because of the family connection, so I had to be better at my job than the rest of the staff, just to prove I was supposed to be there.
That last lesson, about being better has really stuck with me. I know that it has rung true in other areas of my life too. When you are a minority (let's face it...I might be white...but there's no way I'm passing as anything close to straight...the boys in high school were right...I just didn't have it figured out) you have to be better than others just to prove your worth. You have to participate and vote - most of the time for self preservation and so your rights aren't taken away by a landslide majority. You have to be better when you get married and your marriages are held up to so much more scrutiny. You have to be better parents...where again you are held to more scrutiny than the average parents...
you have to be better...something I try and live up to every day...sometimes I succeed...and sometimes it comes off as snobby...but never my intent. I'm just trying to be better...so that someday, hopefully, there will be far less scrutiny and need to feel like you have to be...just to be the same as everyone else.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Intent...
so...let's just get this out of the way up front. when I decided to blog, I wasn't sure where it was going to go, and I still don't know where it might. All I know, right now, is that this is a place where I can come to just vocalize anything that it going on in my life...without having to ever censor myself. I don't ever call anyone I know personally out in any of my posts. I would never. My intent isn't to embarrass or call a friend out...this is my space (albeit, public) to just let loose with my thoughts and do a bit of free association within my own head. If I write about something that you feel applies to you, maybe it does, but maybe, and more than likely it won't...maybe you have a guilty conscience. I don't know...like I said...this isn't about anyone but me...these are my thoughts...my feelings and my emotions and I am not going to censor them here...
for me...sometimes just getting them out is catharsis enough. I'm not writing this to call anyone out on their shit...except for me on my own. Enough said?
for me...sometimes just getting them out is catharsis enough. I'm not writing this to call anyone out on their shit...except for me on my own. Enough said?
Monday, September 12, 2011
RIP Mr. Nice Guy...
I'm letting him die...letting him go...and it's giving me no pause. I'm sick to death of not speaking my mind when friends say bigoted things or when that act the ass and then beg forgiveness after the fact. I'm sick of being concerned about everyone's needs but my own at times. I'm sick of not speaking up for myself when I feel like I need to. I'm sick of the feeling of getting stepped on and over. I need to figure out how to make it stop. I need to figure out how to be ME again. I need to make sure that I feel like I let my voice be heard. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy journey...but it is one I need to take, now, for me.
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