A working progress...

Please bare with me...um...should I get naked here or over there? There are times that I read phrases, not on twitter or text message where you are restricted to a certain number of characters, and I am just left wondering what the writer was really trying to say. It happens quite frequently these days, I am sorry to say.

These are some of my favourites...

New & Improved!! Well, is it new or is it improved? If it's improved, it's not new.

Towing the line. Really? Where are we towing it to? Did it park on the wrong side of the street again? Damn those alternate side parking rules, they get the best of us! It's Toeing the line folks, as in, you are conforming to the norm.

Taken out of contacts. Really? I'm glad that you've taken out your contacts, but perhaps you should put them back in and look at what you've just said - it's taken out of context, as in the quote attributed to you was only part of a sentence or speech and used in a way it was not originally intended to be used. Put your contacts back in and read that again if you think I've taken it out of contacts...

Lindsay Lohan is not going to pleat guilty folks, she is more than likely going to plead not guilty...and I doubt she'll be wearing pleats while she does it, they tend to make people appear larger than they are.

For all intensive purposes...really? Are we sending the purposes to the ER? Are they having heart issues and need to be in intensive care? Most of us say for all intents and purposes...but maybe this is an emergency and does require some intensive action, I just don't know - maybe I've taken it out of contacts?

Okay...those are some of a few that really annoy me when I see or hear them...have I missed some?

And by the way, you live a sorted life (mostly in the UK) if you are thought of as put together and on top of things, organized, and know where you're going and how to get there. You live a sordid life if you are less than perfect and might have done some XXX rated things in your past that you might not want people to find out about. The Monica Lewinsky scandal could be described as a sordid affair not a sorted one. It's cole slaw, not cold slaw, although, it should be cold to keep it from spoiling and it's Prima Donna, as in a difficult person to work with, not PRE-Madonna, and now I feel old as I was definitely born PRE-Madonna, but then again, I can be a Prima Donna too, just ask my friends or my boss...

Okay, rant accomplished and I feel better having said all of this and gotten it off my chest and notice I didn't use the phrase gotten off on my chest because that has a whole other meaning and it belongs in the sordid category boys and girls. And on that note, the phrase is bear with me, asking for patience for the situation, not bare with me as in asking someone to get naked...again, if that's what you want to ask, just realize you are sordid, not sorted...but since you're getting bare, you could do laundry and remember to sort the colours!

it's a new dawn...

a new day...a new life and I'm feeling good...

It's more than a J-Hud single and a Weight Watchers commercial. I'm using it as my new mantra for 2011. This year is the year of me. I've found my voice again and my backbone and I'm not afraid of using them. I'm shedding weight and feeling like myself.

I'm finally at a good place at the gym...I have less than 4% bodyfat left to shed, and less than 9 pounds...I'm excited about that prospect - and finally getting to eat some other foods again. It hasn't really been as bad as I thought it might be, and I am down to an almost 8 minute mile...who would have thought.

I'm not just shedding weight on my body though, I have decided there are too many things in my life that were weighing me down. Things I had collected that were being held onto for one reason or another, but none of the reasons really good. It's not always an easy process letting go of your things...tangible or intangible, but if one is to move one's life forward, it is a necessary step. The past can weigh you down, whether you want it to or not...I'm making the decision about what is worth holding onto and what can be let go, rather than vice versa. Sometimes, you hold onto the memories and not the object, and other times you hold onto both.

Much like my diet these last few months, I keep continually asking myself - is XXX helping me to accomplish my goals? How is XXX helping me to accomplish my goals? What do I get from XXX that makes me want to hold on? If I don't have good answers to those questions, clearly I don't need to have XXX around. It's a long road, and I'm nowhere near done, and it will be a road I continue to travel for the rest of my life - but with practice, it will become easier.

I feel myself lighter and freer than I have felt in a long time, which is how I know the process is working. Painful, difficult, a challenge at times - but well worth it in the long run. Like I said, it's the tangible and the intangible.

I'm letting go of emotions, and emotional baggage. I'm sick of keeping things bottled up and unspoken for fear of how people will react. I'm sick of being the nice guy all the time and letting my wants and needs be trampled. I'm over being in the back seat of my own life. I'm not ever going to have the perfect body, or be the perfect son or brother. I'm not going to be the best at everything or at many things, but I can surely try my best, and that's all I can hope for from myself. I won't always have all the answers (I know, shocking - unless we're potentially talking about trivia questions about pop culture) and it's okay that I don't. I know where to look to find the answers and who I can trust and turn to when I need additional help.

I'm at peace with the lighter me...literally and figuratively and I look forward what 2011 will bring me.

Holiday Letters...

I used to do a holiday letter every year to go out with my Christmas cards...I decided not to do one this year and just do a year end wrap up and post it to my blog...a little of my adventures across the globe and recollections of good times is a nice way to wrap up the year!

Its been a year, and what a year it has been! 'Tis the season...and...and I've gone Silver and Gold (with the airlines and hotel)! I have been all over the map and have been able to catch up with a bunch of friends! I have traveled and racked up frequent flyer miles and hotel points and left places I didn't want to leave.

Was in the city of Brotherly Love for a day's check in. Spent some time in Nawlins and had to walk up and down Bourbon Street to get to the theatre from the hotel and back again. Was tough, but I persevered. Got to see my friend Troy and experience Nawlins pre-BP disaster. Flew from there to Kansas City, Mo. for a few days, and well...it was. After that I went winging off to London to check in on things across the pond. That first Wednesday I was there a volcano in Iceland shut down airspace in Britain and all over Europe (although, please don't check this fact with accounting at my company, as I had to explain my extra week) and I was "stranded" for an extra week. It was rough - stuck in a city I love where the boys thought I was exotic thanks to my "accent." I met a few new friends whilst I was there. "No one is so rich as to throw away a friend." (Quick - name the movie and get extra credit!) I almost didn't get on the plane to come back...made me want to be in London even more!

I felt very cultured after my stay in London. Was able to visit the Tate Modern and stroll the city in some of that extra time, and of course I did some shopping. I got to see Rufus Wainwright's opera, Prima Donna, and managed to check out We Will Rock You for my sister. Thanks to the Ash Cloud, I was able to catch the opening of Holding the Man in the West End. It opened the second Friday I was there, which bummed me out initially as I thought I would miss the limited run, or would have had to made a special trip just to see it. It was truly as brilliant as the book - which I highly suggest if you haven't read.

Went to Vermont in July with the boys and spent a few days just relaxing with friends with no agenda or game plan...it's always nice to be up there, well, other than the pesky no cellular signal thing.

I was able to stay at home for a bit after that, and wish I was back in London, who wouldn't? Hit the road again this fall for LA for a week and got to catch up with JD and Eric and have a little time to myself while out there for work. Also spent 7 weeks in Durham, NC where the 2nd National Tour of Billy launched. Got to catch up with Chris and Kyle while I was down there...so many travels and so many friends! Its been a fantastic year and I look forward to 2011 even more. So many travels, and so much catching up...it's nice to have a few days now to relax and just let the year end with lots of great memories with friends and looking forward to more in the new year.

The Closet

I was asked recently how out of the closet I was. It got me thinking. I have been out of the closet for 15 years. I have had boyfriends and lived with a partner. I remember being afraid and feeling the weight of the closet and the feeling of freedom when I finally did come out. Why does how far in or out of the closet matter in the LGBT community? My conclusion - because the more visible we become (which happens when people are true to themselves and come out of the closet) the freer we are as a person and, in turn a society.

I am so far out of the closet that I don't have enough bread crumbs left to leave a trail back. I am at a point in my life that I just don't care who knows and who doesn't. Being gay is a part of my life, not the only part of my life. Being an uncle, enjoying music and theatre - those are all just parts of my life - and like gay, none of them represent all of me, they are all the parts of me that make me whole. If my desire for equal rights frightens you because I am out of the closet and flaunting my "lifestyle" (I really despise that term) I challenge you to figure out how you flaunt your lifestyle to me every day. If my being out of the closet means you don't want to know me, I challenge you to look in your own. There's clearly something there that's troubling you. It doesn't mean it's necessarily your sexuality either. We all hide pieces of ourselves, but the more we come out of the closet and share them, the more we are free.

The closet represents a time in my life when I was afraid of the future, afraid of myself, afraid of what it would mean if I were gay. Life is what I live now, with the knowledge and my head held high.

Progress...

so I put on 9 pounds while I was down south for work, not bad considering that I didn't have a real gym the entire time I was there and was working out with bands and running. Doubly not bad when you consider that I was so busy the last 10 days or so that I didn't even get to run. I've already taken that 9 off and I have 15 more to go until I am down to my goal of 150lbs by years end. I might actually do it. I don't know where I will stand when it comes to bodyfat, but I'm getting that number down as well...the sooner, the better. That's my progress report...for now.

The Trouble with Normal...

The trouble with normal is all in the semantics. By saying something isn't normal, you are automatically implying it is abnormal, or defective or wrong. That is not always the case.

Normal, where I grew up, was a family of a mother and father and kids, all white. Were you abnormal or defective if that wasn't the case? You would think so by some people's reactions. My family was normal to me, even though I know some people didn't think so, and they let my sister know it. Kids can be cruel. I had friends who's parents were divorced. I had friends who lived with a mom and a step dad, were they not normal? Of course they were, they were my friends. That was their normal. No less or more normal than anyone else.

You and your family have a normal Thanksgiving celebration dinner at home around the table. A friend and his single mother celebrate by going out to eat and to the movies, they do this every year - it is normal to them, but not to you. Because it is not your normal, does it mean it is wrong or abnormal? Are there laws on the books that say Thanksgiving has to be celebrated with family around the dinner table? No. Both are normal celebrations to those celebrating.

Let's look at another tangible example involving technology. Growing up you had a land line in the house, and, in fact, your parents still have the same phone number. You had a land line when you first got your own place, and you never used it, so you gave it up in favor of your cell phone - which you use all the time. It isn't the normal you grew up with, but it is normal now. In fact, having a land line theses days is less and less common, does that mean it is not normal if you have one? No.

I live in a big city, I do not own a car, I ride the subway everyday along with millions of my closest friends. That is my normal commute to work. It doesn't make me abnormal if I hop a cab or call car service though instead of the train, circumstances just dictated otherwise. I have friends in the suburbs that have owned more automobiles in the last decade than I can count on two hands, that's their normal. Is it wrong? No. Excessive maybe, but that's the subject for a different blog post.

I grew up and came out of the closet as a gay man, that is my normal. I did not wake up one day and say, I think I want to fall in love with another man. I will not wake up tomorrow and say I think I want to fall in love with a woman. I am in no way abnormal because I am gay, just like my brother and sister are in no way abnormal because they are heterosexual. I know that, like me, they did not wake up one morning and say I want to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. It is just the way they are made. I was bullied in high school and college for the perception that I was gay - maybe they saw something I didn't at that point in time, maybe they picked up on a weakness, for whatever reason, it happened. I made it through, it got better. I am just as normal as anyone else, even the bullies that picked on me. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not normal for the life you lead or the person you love.

Normal adapts and changes over time. Normal in the deep south used to be owning slaves. Was that "right and moral?" No, we learned that lesson, but it didn't mean it wasn't normal. People's views of normal changed. Women weren't allowed to vote, Blacks and Whites had to be separated, you didn't deserve equal pay for equal work - all of these ideas were once thought to be normal. Views changed, society changed, Normal changed, that's the beauty of Normal.

Normal adapts and changes to its surroundings. Normal doesn't demonize to make its point. You aren't worth more or less because you fit one definition of normal or another. Normal adapts. Normal is in the eyes of the beholder. Once we all as a society and peoples understand that there might be more acceptance in the world.

Kicking Ass...and taking names...

I'm sick of it - I'm over it. There is so much prejudice in the world and I can't stand it anymore! For years I have dealt with idiocy first hand, and I am no longer standing idly by and observing.

I'm throwing this out there to all of my family and friends - I WILL NOT TOLERATE iT anymore. I will warn once by leaving the situation, after that - don't expect me to speak to you anymore. We are beyond the old addage of if you don't have anything nice to say... I don't want to hear the jokes or innuendos - I don't want to hear the generalizations. I don't want to be a participant in it anymore.

I've read about too many suicides thanks to bullying, I don't want to read another. I am enabling if I just sit idly by and let you participate in the hate. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia...don't care any more - there's no place for them in my life.

I know the world isn't perfect, but my family and friends are an educated folk - and we should be way beyond this. I don't care what your political leanings are, who you voted for or are planning to vote for - hatred has to go. If you think the joke is funny, think about how you'd feel being on the receiving end - if you were the one being made fun of. If you still think its funny - I'm here to tell you its not!

My framily is made up of many races. There are folks of different sexual orientations. There are men and women, there are Republicans and Democrats, Liberals and Conservatives, and yes - there are a few prejudiced folks in there too - this is my part to make the world a better place.

I love you all dearly and hope that it doesn't ever come to me having to walk out or even have these conversations, I'm hoping we are all bigger people - but I'm so fed up with the state of the world right now, this is the one small thing I feel I can do to contribute.